Sky Blue
by spikey666
Summary: What happens to spike after the end of season 7? ITS UPDATED! CHAP 22 is up! so review and let me no how its looking...
1. Beyond death

Authors note: New fic!! And it's the first B/S fic.. You might need to help me with this one. B/A is more my thing normally!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Wish they were mine. But they aint!! Thanks Joss.  
  
Set: After Season 7. What happens to Spike etc etc  
  
Distribution: You want, you get as long as you ask first!!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 1  
  
Bloody hell.  
  
"Angel said the amulet was meant to be worn by a champion" I said in my best imitation of the blonde slayer.  
  
"And what do I do? Bow down like a soddin puppy." I look around the bright room and curse inwardly.  
  
White walls surround me and everything seems to glow of its own accord. No battery pack in sight. "'I love you spike'. Bloody well should after what I've done for you. Saved your life countless times and look what I am now? A glowing guy in a glowing room, talking to himself. Bloody hell."  
  
I look down expecting my usual attire of black jeans, black t-shirt and obviously my trusty duster but to my horror I was wearing completely the opposite.  
  
Bright white trousers, shirt and duster all shone back at me, laughing at my obvious distress of such bad clothing.  
  
I roll my eyes and sigh. Where the fuck am I?  
  
Last thing I remember was being under the school and that stupid piece of metal shining brightly and a strange burning sensation running throughout my body. Then there was Buffy. She looked at me with those piecing eyes and my heart cracked in two as I saw what was reflected back at me: I was going to die.  
  
It had to be said. It was well overdue.  
  
So I braced myself for the burning fires of hell, to be met by Satan himself at the black gates of tortured souls, to feel his whip crack against my back as I cowered at his feet. Such a stereotypical thought about hell don't you think?  
  
But No. Obviously for some strange reason, my idea of hell is a white room and white clothing. They were right. My head really is fucked up.  
  
"William"  
  
"What?" I sigh, what you didn't think I'd expect some booming voice of some sort to call my name?  
  
"William."  
  
"Yes I think we've established that William is my name. What do you want oh booming voice?" I mock with my usual cheeky smile.  
  
"Come fourth."  
  
What choice do I have? So cockily I step forward into the bright room, squinting my eyes so I can see easier.  
  
"This it?" I shrug my shoulders, looking on into the endless white room.  
  
"What do you expect, William?"  
  
"Fire, blood, tortured screams echoing off the hellish walls."  
  
There's a great laugh and already I want to kick the voice's head in.  
  
"William this is not hell." The laughing subsides and I stand dumbfounded at what has just been said.  
  
"Ok if this is not hell, with the sodding scary white clothing, then what is it? Heaven? Cause I sure don't bloody deserve that."  
  
"No, this is not heaven. I'm not sure what you could call it, I suppose it's a place for the dead to meet with the powers. Kinda like a waiting room."  
  
"The powers?" What. The. Hell.  
  
Suddenly a figure appears beside me. He was tall, his skin the colour of dark chocolate, and like me; he was dressed in the white clothing. "They have the power to change things Spike. What is to be, what has already past, whether we live or die, they have the power to change dreams into a reality."  
  
By now I think this is a joke. Some kind of joke that the evil of this world have decided to play on me. To make me think: Hmmm, I'm considered a good guy. Well they can fuck off. There is no way I'm going to fall for this.  
  
"OK OK, I've had enough of the sick joke alright. I get it, I'm evil, you're just trying to make me all happy and then blow me over the head with the truth. Go ahead, I'm expecting it. " I fold my arms across my chest defiantly.  
  
"This is no joke Spike, you have earned this."  
  
"I've earned this? Hello? Are you insane? Or is there just nothing in that noggin of yours that allows you to remember my past?" And I thought I was crazy.  
  
"I know of your past Spike, I know of your crimes. But for you to give up your life for humans is worthy enough."  
  
"Worthy enough for what?"  
  
"The offer's that are about to be given to you." By now I truly can't believe what is being said. Me? Worthy? Fuck off!  
  
"Alright then Mr high and mighty, give us your offers then."  
  
"Well there's the obvious choice which is to remain dead - not that you haven't been dead for a long time already - but I mean dead here in some sort of heaven if you want to call it that."  
  
Opinion of first offer: Yes I like it. Heaven.  
  
"Or you can return to the slayer as a human and continue your life from there."  
  
Opinion of second offer: What's the fucking point? Slayer doesn't love me, why should I return?  
  
"Before you make any kind of decision Spike, I think you should take a look at this."  
  
******  
  
Pain.  
  
Hurt.  
  
Hate.  
  
Burning.  
  
Fire.  
  
Hell.  
  
Tears of blood.  
  
Tears of pain.  
  
But there are no more tears to spill  
  
I'm all cried out, I can't take it any more.  
  
Curled up in my new room, a cushion pressed against my chest as I hugged it tightly wishing it was him. Wishing it was Spike.  
  
Faint knocking on my door and I don't want it. Whatever it is I don't need it. All I want is for that moment to disappear from my memory or even better, to be able to turn back time and be the one wearing the amulet.  
  
Blue.  
  
Beautiful sky blue eyes.  
  
Deep, penetrating, burning me to the soul as he stares at me as our hands burst into flames. Why does he continue to haunt me? Day and night that's all I see is his beautiful sky blue eyes staring at me.  
  
"Buffy?" It's Willow, back again no doubt to check on me or at least force some substance down my throat to keep me alive.  
  
But I don't want it, I just want to die.  
  
"I'm OK." I call back but can't help the non-cheeriness in my voice.  
  
"Sure you don't want to talk?"  
  
Cold hands travel across my skin.  
  
Strange fire courses through my veins.  
  
Goosebumps appear on my flesh -  
  
I shake my head and force myself back to reality. "I'm fine. Just go."  
  
And then they fall again. Just when I thought there would be no more, little rivers make their way down my cheeks in an endless journey of pain.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!!*~* 


	2. Erased

Authors note: Sorry its taken so long, I've been slightly busy!! If anyone has any ideas or tips let me know!! Its gladly appreciated!! Thanks  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 2  
  
There she was.  
  
The most beautiful girl he had ever seen.  
  
She was strong and courageous and hell she was even a bitch. But he loved her for it. Every little bit about her, he loved.  
  
That is why looking on at the scene enfolding beneath him he could not stand it any longer.  
  
There his Buffy sat, so quiet and docile. Her head held between her hands as she wept piteously, her heart broken by what had happened. She was wasting away, already he could see her thin frame beneath her skin that used to look so full of life, but now clung miserably to her bones.  
  
******  
  
Such a beautiful creature.  
  
The demon inside me violently hurls at the thought of the slayer, which I quickly hold in. I love her but I cannot change what my demon thinks. That part of me will always want to kill her.  
  
What could be my heart melts as I continue to watch the scene, her crying my name piteously and instantly I can feel my own tears starting to well. I want to be there, hold her, and tell her I will never leave her again.  
  
"So Spike, you have seen the slayer and what she is like now. What do you wish to happen? Do you choose ultimate heaven? Or do you wish to return to the slayer almost human?"  
  
"Hang on a minute mate. ALMOST human?" OK need to know the loopholes.  
  
"Well you will still have your strength, stamina and senses. You'll just be minus the demon."  
  
I don't need to think twice about what I want. She needs me even I can see that.  
  
"I'll take a peek at what's behind door number 2." I reply, smiling my usual cheeky grin.  
  
There's a flash of blinding light and I let out a scream as pain sours through my body causing me to drop to my knees in agony.  
  
******  
  
Shopping.  
  
Me like shopping.  
  
Today I have gone for the dark chick look, picking out finally another new pair of leather trousers and a black top to match. It's about time I had a new wardrobe.  
  
I hum to myself softly as I walk through the mall, admiring various outfits that are shown in the shop windows when -  
  
"BRRRR"  
  
The beautiful peace of shopping noise, is interrupted by my cell causing a flurry of movement and various shopping bags to be hurled at the floor in an attempt to reach my cell which of course is buried underneath everything in my purse.  
  
I swear for the tenth time and answer my phone in an incredibly bad temper.  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Uh- Buffy, it's um Giles." Hear comes sweet voice Buffy.  
  
"Oh Hi Giles."  
  
"I need you right away to - to come home at once." OK chill, whatever it is I'm sure the other slayers can deal with it perfectly fine.  
  
"Geez, Giles, take a chill pill! Call the others in and give me half an hour to finish s - "  
  
"Buffy, I need you home NOW!" There's urgency in his voice that makes my blood turn cold. I'm sure he's cleaning his glasses at the other end as we speak: That being a sure sign of impending doom.  
  
****** Shock could be one word for the state I am in now. How could this be? Why? Why is it always me? I need to ask again:  
  
"Temporary? You sure?" I smile weakly at Willow in an attempt to encourage a nicer answer.  
  
"Yes Buffy, quite sure. The spell Willow cast on the potentials was only temporary"  
  
Bugger.  
  
I think back to that moment where we all fought together, side by side against evil. But how did it end again? I shook my head in frustration and tried to remember what happened just before I escaped the collapsing building.  
  
"Has anyone remembered what happened yet?" I ask for the millionth time since we returned.  
  
"No. One of the potentials mentioned it could have been pretty little fairies that cast a spell on the demons and then POOF! They disappeared." Willow gestures a poof looking symbol and I frown in return.  
  
Who had heard of fairies saving the day?  
  
******  
  
I open my eyes slowly and stare up at the twinkling sky above me. My whole body feels as if I have been stamped on a million times by a very large bull.  
  
Ow.  
  
I stand slowly and am pleased to see I'm back to my original colour of black. Thank God.  
  
I look around me and notice that I am stood in a street I had never seen before yet instinctively I felt I had a purpose for being here. I looked around at the houses and from where I am stood I can see her in the window of the living room, talking to red and the watcher. No doubt discussing her sudden "free time." So this is where we are!  
  
I take a few steps away but my body feels as if I am on a roller coaster, my head is spinning and all I want to do is lie down. I know I will never make it back to my crypt in time.  
  
So I have no other choice.  
  
Slowly I make my way up the path to the slayer's new house and knock on the door lightly. Bloody hell, she'll go nuts when she see's me. This isn't exactly my idea of her finding out I'm back but I have no other choice.  
  
I lean against the doorframe as the door swings open and I look up to see Buffy, her beautiful face smiles at me. I smile back and make a move to step in towards her.  
  
"Hi." I smile weakly.  
  
"Hi." She answers but doesn't make a move to open the door wider to let me through.  
  
"How can I help you?" She quizzes  
  
"What? Buffy? Its me"  
  
"How do you know my name?" All I can do is repeat myself.  
  
"It's me"  
  
"Well hi me, what can I do to help?" She answers sarcastically.  
  
I stumble forward as my legs give way and I start to fight to stay conscious.  
  
"OH!" She leans in and grabs me, holding my weight against her. "Giles!!" I hear her cry out for help as everything fades to black.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	3. Who are you?

Authors note: Apologies for the delay but I went on holiday!! Also sorry for the reference to Spike's crypt in the last chapter.. Forgot about that, one of these days I'll get around to changing that chapter but at the moment I need to churn this one out! Thanks for the reviews - remember Reviews = updates!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 3  
  
"Giles! He knew my name!" I may be the slayer but I still don't like stalkers  
  
"Well - we will just have to wait till he wakes to find out more about him!" Giles looks worried too although he tries not to show it.  
  
"Could he be one of yours? I mean he did have the English accent - "  
  
"I can assure you now that that man is not a watcher." Giles scoffs.  
  
"How do you know? Anyone could be a watcher or do they have some sort of invisible stamp on their heads that says WATCHER that I can't see?" I'm getting angry now.  
  
"No its just - its just that um." Spit it out Giles, just admit you can be stuffy at times.  
  
"Ow." A grumble comes from the couch and instantly I'm wary.  
  
"Hello?" I step forward and kneel beside the sofa.  
  
"Buffy?" Came the answer and again I get defensive.  
  
"How do you know my name? Who are you?"  
  
"Bloody hell." He curses and rolls his eyes, turning to look at me.  
  
For the first time since I laid eyes on this man, I am staring right into his eyes. Beautiful blue eyes that instantly captivate me and cause me to lose all trail of thought.  
  
Who are you?  
  
He stares back at me and holds my gaze, his eyes pleading with me. Pleading with me for what though? I try to avoid his gaze and instead take in the rest of his appearance. His fine chiselled cheekbones, his muscular body clothed in black jeans and tight t-shirt that reveals his muscles. Suddenly I have to remind myself that I haven't even met this person before let alone to start drooling over him!  
  
So to distract myself slightly I repeat myself once more:  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Don't you remember me? Spike? William?" He looks hurt.  
  
"Uh No!" How the hell would I forget those delicious muscles? Pull yourself together Buffy.  
  
******  
  
What the fuck is going on? What is wrong with me? Why did I trust such wankers in the first place? Knew I should have stayed in the white room.  
  
I sigh defeated. What am I supposed to do now? Do I tell her the truth? Do I tell her what has really happened? Or do I just move on?  
  
Always hated bloody decisions.  
  
"Slayer, fetch me a glass of water?"  
  
She looks at me stunned and I look back in just as much confusion. What have I said wrong now?  
  
"How? What do you know about slayers?" She's defensive I can feel it and see it in her eyes.  
  
"You're the slayer." I reply simply and smirk.  
  
"And how do you know?"  
  
"Because I'm special." I smile in return and this just angers her more.  
  
"Look SPIKE, I don't know why you're here or what you want but I think you should leave."  
  
"Alright pet, I'll tell ya what you want to know." I sit up on the sofa so I can see her better.  
  
"I'm Spike, used to be know as William a long time back but I won't go into that luv. I was a vampire - " I look up and see sudden anger appear in her eyes. "I said was. I aint one now, feel my pulse if you wish."  
  
She looks back at me with those hazel eyes and I know she doesn't believe what I say.  
  
"This may be hard for you to understand but back in Sunnyhell I used to be the big bad - well that was till that sodding poof of a boyfriend of yours stuck a chip in my head." I see a flame of recognition ignite in her eyes.  
  
I continue:  
  
"Then I became all peaceable and I started fighting side by side with you until peaches appeared and gave you that shiny thing that basically meant the death of me."  
  
You look at me stunned.  
  
******  
  
So this guy who I have defiantly not met before is trying to tell me he was a vampire in Sunnydale that got a chip in his head and became peaceable? What the hell is going on?  
  
Without taking my eyes of this unknown man I yell for Giles.  
  
"That's it call the watcher, he'll know what to do" This Spike claps his hands together and again I'm worried that he knows too much.  
  
With a rush of footsteps Giles appears and instantly looks concerned.  
  
"Spike here says he used to hang with us in Sunnydale"  
  
"I did not 'hang' with you." I can hear a tone of anger in his voice and let him repeat what he just told me to my watcher.  
  
"Oh - right - I see." Giles begins to pace the room once Spike has finished his story. Glasses are removed.  
  
******  
  
Now the decision is do I tell her about "us". Or do I let it go?  
  
Do I tell her about those numerous nights spent together in my crypt? Do I tell her how I loved her - how I love her? Suddenly I feel embarrassed and decide to let it go even though my heart aches for her.  
  
So now Giles stands before me, his head tilted to one side as he goes over what I have just said.  
  
"So your saying you died Spike?"  
  
"Sure did. Bloody unpleasant I can tell you."  
  
"Quite - So what did these higher beings say to you?"  
  
"That I could choose eternal life in some sort of heaven or that I could return to Buffy without my demon."  
  
"And you choose me because?" She turns to me obviously interested in the answer.  
  
"Bloody got to help the humans of this world haven't I? Can't just leave 'em to the slayer now can I? Slayer needs a helper." No I lie. It's cause I can't stand being without you Buffy - I love you. Why can't I say that? O yeah she doesn't remember any of that!  
  
"Right well I think it's best that Spike stays with us till we can figure out exactly what's going on here. Do you mind sleeping on the sofa?" He turns to me and smiles.  
  
"Slept on much worse mate." I smile. Remember the bathtub?  
  
****** Spike sleeping in my house.  
  
Let me rephrase that.  
  
Spike SLEEPING in MY house.  
  
I find myself secretly thanking Giles for letting Spike stay. Why I can't work out but all I know is there is much more to this guy than he's letting on. He's a mystery - a mystery that I'm determined to solve.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	4. sleepless nights

Authors note: Thanks for the reviews! Much appreciated. I want to try make this fic a bit more dark and angsty but I might need some tips as Im not so good at that part!! Anyone who wants to help leave a review or email me at spikey_666@hotmail.com. THANKS!!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 4  
  
Demons everywhere.  
  
Screaming.  
  
Blood stains the floor.  
  
Bodies lay scattered on the dusty ground.  
  
Chaos fills the room.  
  
Yet still we fight on.  
  
I'm back in the hellmouth fighting like I've never fought before.  
  
All around me I see the slayers, battling on despite the terrifying odds. My scythe cuts through the air and slices through demon flesh, dust exploding in the dank air. Pain sears through my body as I feel the sword pass through flesh and bone, my own blood staining the already scarlet floor.  
  
The first speaks and I know I must go on but there is more to it than that. I feel a dull sensation in my heart, a faint flicker of an old flame. What is it? I stand, hearing my name being called:  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
I turn to look in the direction of the noise but I can't see who it is.  
  
Everything quietens and suddenly the slayers have gone leaving just me and this man that I can't figure out who it is. There's a bright light shining and our hands interlock, my heart aches and I can feel the pain inside.  
  
Burning pain that courses through my body.  
  
He's talking but I can't hear what he says. I look from the hands up to his face and see those sparkling blue eyes and feel love flow through my body.  
  
"Spike."  
  
******  
  
I wake up with a start, breathing hard trying not to forget the dream I just dreamt. Yes I had relived that battle over and over but it always ended before I found out who the mysterious man was. And now I know.  
  
But is it true?  
  
I mean maybe I just thought it was Spike because of what he said. Maybe my mind is playing with me, making me believe that his story is true - that he really was there with me fighting the good fight.  
  
And what about the love?  
  
Did I love him?  
  
Did he love me?  
  
******  
  
Can't sleep.  
  
How the hell am I supposed to sleep when I know that Buffy is just a ceiling away from me? As I lay and listen to the silent house I can feel my heart beating against my chest.  
  
Bloody hell that's weird.  
  
That's it Spike, listen to your heartbeat and don't think about that beautiful slayer lying upstairs asleep.  
  
Fuck.  
  
Footsteps sound on the landing and then on the stair. Someone's coming down. Maybe they can take my mind of the slayer.  
  
I stand from the sofa and walk from the living room to the adjoining kitchen. I turn the light on and busy myself with the kettle till the person enters behind me.  
  
I sigh defeated as I realise without turning around who just walked in.  
  
How can this person take my mind off the slayer when it is the slayer?  
  
"Coffee?" I ask without turning and hear the gasp in her throat. Obviously she hadn't seen me.  
  
"Uh yeah ok."  
  
I turn and smile, taking in her appearance. Wearing grey shorts with a matching top, her hair dishevelled from sleep and a quizzical look on her face I can't help but feel my knees go weak.  
  
Instantly I look away, determined not to look in those piercing greeny eyes.  
  
******  
  
All I want is a quiet cup of coffee.  
  
Just a cup of coffee on my own to think about this latest dream.  
  
So I enter the kitchen, obviously expecting to be by myself as it is two in the morning.  
  
"Coffee?"  
  
At the sound of his voice I nearly jump out of my skin.  
  
I take one look at him and have to gulp down the urge to lick his chest. Did I just think that?  
  
Spike, dressed in nothing but black jeans, smiles cheekily and hands me my mug while I look on amazed at this body before me.  
  
Muscular is a word I could use to describe it.  
  
Yummy is another.  
  
Suddenly I'm drawn back to this world by his soft voice.  
  
"Couldn't sleep huh pet?"  
  
"Nope" Suddenly the coffee seems interesting to look at.  
  
"I knew something that could get you off to sleep in no time at all." I look up sharply and see a suggestive smirk on his face, one of his eyebrows raised cheekily.  
  
What the hell?  
  
******  
  
As soon as I say it I knew it was the wrong thing to say.  
  
She holds my gaze but stays silent and I wonder what's going through her mind at this moment.  
  
Does she despise me?  
  
Does she remember?  
  
Does she love me?  
  
The last question is awkward. She never loved me before so why should she love me now? No matter what I do different this time, you can't change the way a person feels.  
  
Or can you?  
  
Now a heavy silence fills the room and I don't quite know how to break it. Never my thing, conversations.  
  
"How was patrol?" How lame was that? I am such a dickhead sometimes.  
  
"Fine, just a couple of vamps, nothing spesh." She smiles and I smile back.  
  
"Where's Dawn?" Suddenly I wonder where the lil bit has been since I arrived.  
  
"Oh she's staying a friends for a few days." She looks puzzled but I suppose she would seeing as she doesn't remember that I know Nibblet.  
  
Being so close to her hurts so much. It hurt before when I knew I couldn't touch her, couldn't love her. But now the pain is even worse. Because this time round she doesn't remember how it used to be.  
  
I need to get away from her, being this close to her hurts me more than I can stand.  
  
So taking my coffee, I leave the room with one last smile at the slayer I love and go back to an intolerable night of insomnia.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	5. Will you remember?

Authors note: Thanks for the reviews!!  
  
here goes..  
  
Chap 5  
  
"Come on."  
  
"No."  
  
"Spike, don't be stupid come on!" She grasps my hand and I sigh inwardly. Her skin is touching mine. HER skin is TOUCHING mine.  
  
"Well I like being stupid. Bloody hell no!" I look out the front door at the blazing summers day. I ain't going nowhere.  
  
"If these Power That Be people say you don't have a demon then you don't have a demon!" I can see she's determined, but still, I don't want to burn to death.  
  
With one fast yank I find myself flying out onto the front lawn. Quickly I grab my duster and try to wrap it unsuccessfully around me to shade myself from the Sun's deadly rays.  
  
Wait a sec.  
  
I'm not on fire.  
  
No hot sensation.  
  
No agonising pain.  
  
I peer out from beneath my shade and look up at the blue blanket of a sky. Slowly I stand and bask in the warmth that I haven't felt in such a long time I hardly remembered how good it felt.  
  
Laughter comes from the doorway and I turn and scowl in return. I could have gone up in flames as far as she knew!! How dare she do that to me!  
  
But god she's beautiful.  
  
******  
  
The sun reflects off his face and shows off his handsome exterior. Wow, he is gorgeous. I laugh at how he acts; looking at the sun as if this was the first time he'd ever seen it. Well logically, I suppose it is the first time he has seen it since, well, forever.  
  
A car pulls up outside the house and its Dawn; she looks strangely at the young (well not exactly but he looks it) man, stood gazing at the sky from my front lawn.  
  
"Meteor shower or something?" Bold as brass she strolls up to him and strains to see what he is looking at.  
  
"Don't be bloody stupid - " He turns and notices her stopping mid sentence. "Dawn?" Now she's scared.  
  
I can see the fear and suspicion creep across her face as she turns and looks at me for support.  
  
"Do I know you?" She asks keeping her gaze on me.  
  
"Well Yes and No." He tilts his head and furrows his forehead trying to work out the right answer.  
  
"Just I'm sure I've seen you before."  
  
Hope leaps into his eyes. "You remember? Well the lil' bit remembers!"  
  
"Whoa, I don't 'remember' you from anywhere, its just you look familiar that's all." Dawn starts backing away from Spike, obviously nervous about his excitement.  
  
The hope fades and those blue eyes grow dull. How I wish to make the light come back to those sparkling eyes.  
  
"Buffy!" There's a shout from inside the house and I retreat reluctantly inside, my sister close at my heels eager to get away from the "stranger."  
  
"Angel's on the phone." Giles smiles and hands me the phone.  
  
My heart stops.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey." His voice is gruff.  
  
"What's up?" I'm concerned. Angel NEVER rings, I'm surprised he even knows how to use the phone.  
  
"Just checking that you've settled in ok." OK, well that's weird.  
  
"Yes, everything is fine - "  
  
"Buffy!" Spike yells from outside, obviously mad about something.  
  
"Is that Spike?" He takes an angrier tone.  
  
"Uh - " I hardly have chance to answer when -  
  
"Is that Peaches?" I look astonished at Spike. He had heard Angel on the other end of the phone? Stupid demon hearing.  
  
More to the point, Angel knows who Spike is?  
  
"How do you know Spike?" I ask completely baffled by this conversation.  
  
"Buffy, you ok? It's Spike. My childe." He is as confused as I am.  
  
"It's a long story." I sigh, not really wanting to get into this conversation right now.  
  
"And I have time on my hands, tell me."  
  
And so I do. I tell him about what happened since last night, and what Spike claims to be. When I've finally finished, Angel remains silent at the other end of the phone.  
  
"You still there?" After all I can't hear him breathing.  
  
"Yeah I'm here. Now Buffy, I'm going to tell you about what happened four years ago when you came to see me about my "Lurking." - "  
  
"You mean, when I yelled at you, stormed out then you came and found me and proceeded to beat on my boyfriend?"  
  
He sounds guilty. "Yeah that's the one apart from that's not exactly how it went. Do you remember that Demon that disturbed us?"  
  
"Yea, ugly green guy."  
  
"Well what really happened was that I didn't know how to fight the green guy and he got away. So the two of us tracked him and killed him. While fighting him, his blood mixed with mine and I became human - "  
  
"HUMAN?" I repeat.  
  
"Yes, as in heart beating, blood pumping, day walking, - "  
  
"No curse human." I finish the sentence.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Ohh." I can imagine what took place next.  
  
"So after a few days spent with you human, we discovered the demon wasn't dead but stronger. You struggled to kill it and I was unable to help, as I was human. Before it died it warned us of more to come. These were demons I knew you would need help with someday." I could hear how hurt he was in his voice; this had been killing him inside. He continues: "So I returned to The Oracles and they took back the day. Taking it from your memory but allowing it to stay in mine so I could kill the demon before its blood mixed with mine."  
  
I sigh.  
  
"I couldn't tell you Buffy, it was too hard. Its just this time, maybe it will help Spike, prove to you that it can happen, that it has happened. I'm sorry." He sounds rejected.  
  
"I understand Angel." I look up and find Spike leaning against the wall next too me. "Look I have to go, I'll keep in touch"  
  
"Good bye Buffy and take care." I can hear the love in his voice, and can't help smiling.  
  
"You too Angel, bye." I sigh and hang up.  
  
******  
  
She had SEX with the poofter? I thought she was over that? Thought she'd moved on after he had left?  
  
Seething jealous travels through my body and I fight the urge to hurt something. Why am I always living in his shadow?  
  
She looks at me and knows instantly that I have heard everything that has been said.  
  
"So, Angel was your sire?"  
  
"Yeah the fucking Wanker."  
  
"And I take it you didn't get along?"  
  
"Well I hated him, he hated me we generally had a hate: hate relationship."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"So now you're instantly thinking that you must have hated me as much as Angel hates me." I say obviously, reading her mind.  
  
"Well - "  
  
"Yeah you did hate me, you hated me from the moment you laid eyes on me. And do you know why? Because I was evil, you were supposed to hate me. Then I had the chip and still you hated me because of who I am. I don't expect that things will ever change, you probably do still hate me, even if you don't realise it yet." I take one last look at her beautiful face and head outside, running from the cause of this pain.  
  
******  
  
Angel knew Spike? Angel remembers Spike? How come he remembers him but no one else does?  
  
And why didn't Angel tell me about that day four years ago? I knew it would hurt like hell, but I had the right to know. Too late now.  
  
As for Spike - I HATED Spike?  
  
How can I find that so unreal, so unbelievable?  
  
And why do I not hate him now? Surely feelings as strong as that would still exist?  
  
I watch his retreating back and wish I could run on up to him, throw my arms around his neck so he could hold me through this pain. How could I ever hate a man like him?  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	6. Conversations

Authors note: Ok, so we r on Chappy 6 and already I'm starting to struggle. bugger. I have no idea how to make this more angsty and dark. I need some help PLEASE!! Eek.. Anyway thanks for the reviews guys, keep 'em coming!!  
  
Here goes..  
  
Chap 6  
  
Even when the slayer doesn't remember me, she still manages to piss me off.  
  
I walk dejectedly down the street, my hands dug firmly in my pockets as I try to forget what I had just heard. Why did I come back? Why? She doesn't want me, especially cause she still loves the poofter.  
  
The sun is beginning to set in the sky, casting an eerie reddish glow on the land and yet I continue walking, not knowing where I am going. My fists clench at the thought of her and my sire together, happy, relaxed and in bloody love.  
  
God I wish it were me.  
  
Time to kill something I think.  
  
I enter the cemetery slowly, my senses kicking in and allowing me to hear the faintest of noises. It doesn't take me long to find a young fledgling.  
  
These guys are stupid.  
  
I roll my eyes as I watch it claw its way out of its grave pathetically, its game face already on.  
  
"Hi." It brushes itself down obviously not realising what is about to happen.  
  
"First rule mate, never let your guard down."  
  
"Thanks for the advice." He smiles back at me, showing me his sharp vampire fangs.  
  
"Pleasure." I smile in return.  
  
My fist connects with his face, before he has a chance to reply, spraying blood from his nose.  
  
"HEY!" he mumbles, as my knee hits his stomach and I spin, kicking him in the head, sending him spinning to the ground.  
  
"Don't say I didn't warn you" I growl, plunging my stake into his chest and watching as dust explodes from around me. That was way too easy.  
  
I smile, satisfied. Suddenly I hear a noise behind me. Quickly I stand and turn, my eyes meeting with the strangers hazel ones.  
  
******  
  
What had I done? Why did he think that? I need to tell him that I don't hate him. But where is he?  
  
Darkness seeps across the town and instinctively I reach for my stake and start a long night of patrol. Alone.  
  
As I enter the cemetery I can hear a commotion up ahead. I pick up speed until finally I find him, fighting with a fledgling.  
  
He moves so gracefully, almost like a large cat, his sleek body moves so liquidly compared to the new vampire who obviously doesn't know what he is doing.  
  
I lean against the tree and watch as he kicks the vampire down and takes him out, dust exploding into the surrounding air. I smile to myself.  
  
Just as I am about to turn away he spots me, his beautiful eyes connecting with mine.  
  
My heart stops. Panic ensures.  
  
He closes the gap between us in seconds "Like what you saw?" He smirks.  
  
"Just watching your fight technique." I look away and try not to blush.  
  
He grumbles something in audible and turns away.  
  
"I don't hate you." I mutter quietly, half wanting him to hear, half praying he won't.  
  
"What?" He turns and looks at me astonished. Damn I wasn't quiet enough.  
  
"I don't hate you." I step towards him, catching his gaze.  
  
"Oh." I can tell he doesn't know how to answer.  
  
******  
  
"I don't hate you"  
  
My heart leaps out of my chest.  
  
"What?" I miss-heard her; maybe she didn't say anything at all.  
  
"I don't hate you." She's stood close to me now; I can smell her familiar scent.  
  
How do I answer that? Do I tell her how doubtful that is?? She'll hate me soon I know it.  
  
"Oh." Is the only thing I can think to answer. A hasty change of topic is needed here I believe. "On patrol?" Well duh.  
  
She lets out a small giggle "Well, yeah."  
  
"Mind if I join ya?"  
  
// Through the storm we reach the shore  
  
You give it all but I want more  
  
And I'm waiting for you  
  
With or without you  
  
With or without you  
  
I can't live  
  
With or without you //  
  
So we talked. For four timeless hours we talked and once again I felt that familiar flame ignite inside of me. Having her hate me was horrible but now I know she doesn't hate me it's torture.  
  
She still doesn't understand how I really feel and I can't tell her because I'm scared. Scared with how she will react.  
  
Of all the things in the world that I have experienced in my lifetime, I have never felt this nervous. My tummy does back flips as I follow her up her driveway fighting the urge to touch her.  
  
******  
  
Spike and I talked.  
  
At once I felt relaxed with him, as if I'd known him for years. Well technically I have, but getting to know him again is amazing.  
  
Quietly we enter the house so we do not disturb any of the sleeping occupants, Spike closing the door softly behind him.  
  
He slips his leather duster off his back and hangs it on the end of the banister. I smile and walk to the kitchen, flicking the kettle on as I pass it, feeling Spike approach from behind, his body brushing ever so gently against mine as he makes his way to the fridge.  
  
God I pray for those moments where I feel his touch even if it is innocent.  
  
He smiles, pulling the milk out of the fridge and passing it to me, still silent, his eyes never leaving mine.  
  
Suddenly there's a flash of light and I'm sent to the ground with a crash, milk spraying everywhere.  
  
******  
  
Shit.  
  
I run towards Buffy, concerned that she may be hurt but something stops me. A blue glow radiates around the room and I turn slowly to find the white room guy, his hand on my shoulder preventing me from moving.  
  
"She's fine." He smiles and I growl in return.  
  
Oh how I wish to smash his face in right now.  
  
"What do you want?" I glare in return.  
  
"Just checking on you, seeing if you're satisfied with your choice." He continues to smile.  
  
"Yeah mate I'm bloody satisfied." I answer sarcastically. "First you wipe everyone's memory so she doesn't remember me, then you make sure the poofter knows who I am. What the fuck is going on?"  
  
"Well we had to wipe Buffy's memory about you, as it would be too painful for her to see you again. As for Angelus, well nothing that powerful could break the bond between a sire and his Childe."  
  
"Then what was the point in sending me back." I say through gritted teeth.  
  
"We believe you have a bigger part to play in this world in the future."  
  
"Bigger part to play? Haven't I already helped avert an apocalypse? 'Cause that seems pretty bloody big to me."  
  
"Well when I say big I mean big in another sense."  
  
What the pissing hell is going on?  
  
"Other sense?" I repeat, completely confused  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You mean fighting a different way right?"  
  
"Sort of yes."  
  
"Ok." I put my hands in my pockets and try to think about what it could be.  
  
"I must go now, William." And with that, he disappears leaving me once again in Buffy's kitchen.  
  
"Buffy?" I walk towards her, worried as why she is still lain on the floor.  
  
******  
  
I vaguely hear his soft voice, but my head hurts too much to move. I manage to slowly sit up and grumble an Ow, putting my hand to my head and feeling the warm sticky blood that began to ooze out onto my skin.  
  
Nausea hit me and suddenly I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, my head spinning fast. I begin to wobble and see the kitchen floor coming up fast to meet me.  
  
But I never quite get there.  
  
Strong arms hold me against a strong chest. Through blurry eyes I look up and see Spike, concern filling his eyes as he lifts me from the floor and begins to carry me up the stairs.  
  
There's a soft mattress beneath me and I can feel warm hands pulling a quilt up over my body. I hear the tinkle of water as a cloth is squeezed out and placed on the bloodied cut on my forehead.  
  
"You Ok luv? Want me to take you to the Hospital?"  
  
"No hospital." I murmur back.  
  
His hand still held mine.  
  
Warmth flows from palm to palm and I want more. It's like a craving that I can't kick. I want his touch forever.  
  
******  
  
I can't pull away. As I dab the wound on her head, I look down at our intertwined hands, a movement I can never regret.  
  
She is still holding on to me.  
  
She is probably delusional anyway, doesn't even realise it's me.  
  
The blood stops pumping from her head and bruising is starting to appear right before my eyes.  
  
Even with bruises she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	7. Temptations

Authors note: Thanks guys for the reviews, they are great boosters for the up and coming chappys!! Keep 'em coming or I might have to stop writing all together.. Just remember. Reviews = Chaps!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 7  
  
Peacefully she sleeps, her chest heaving up and down in a steady rhythm, the whole time I sit and check her heartbeat, comparing it to my own. Hers is slow and steady, typical for a human in sleep. Mine on the other hand is beating fast, almost with a strange excitement that I am watching her sleep.  
  
She moans quietly in her sleep and I have to fight with myself not to touch her. Peaceful dreams of shopping and pleasures that only a woman could understand no doubt.  
  
I have sat here too long.  
  
I should leave, but I can't no matter how hard I try.  
  
She stirs again in her sleep and finally my body is frightened into moving, frightened that she would find me watching her sleep. Something the old slayer would not hesitate to lift a stake to my chest for.  
  
I manage to get to the door without turning around, telling myself that if I do, I will be drawn back to her in a hypnotic trance.  
  
But I can't help myself.  
  
I lean against the doorframe and take one last look at sleeping beauty before leaving the room, closing the door softly behind me. My heart breaking the moment my gaze leaves her sleeping form.  
  
******  
  
I awake from the sound of the door clicking shut.  
  
Was Dawn checking up on me?  
  
Why would Dawn be checking on me when she didn't even know what had happened tonight?  
  
Puzzled, I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, the moonlight seeping through my window and casting an eerie glow around the room.  
  
I think back to the night's events.  
  
Patrolling with Spike, and learning about him was unbelievable. He had a unique character, sarcastic and witty and well, English. But also he showed none of those typical English traits that us Americans classed them as having. He was not stuffy and into tweed but had an amazing fetish for black clothing.  
  
Has to be said, he looked good in black.  
  
I yawn slowly, my head still ached from my 'accident' but I could feel my slayer healing kicking in, numbing the sharp pain quickly.  
  
Twisting and turning in my bed, sleep evades me no matter how hard I try to think about fluffy clouds and sheep leaping over fences.  
  
Hours pass and still I lie awake, watching the sun slowly start to rise over the horizon. There's a soft tap at my door and instantly I mutter for them to come in.  
  
"How you doing, pet?" His voice is husky and he looks like he hasn't slept in months. I wasn't the only one who didn't sleep much.  
  
"Much better." I smile.  
  
"Good." He turns his back to leave, tension rising in the room.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Yes?" He looks towards me, never making eye contact.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
He smiles that unique smile and I thank god I'm not standing up for I would have defiantly collapsed.  
  
"'Tis ok." He closes the door behind him and leaves me alone once more.  
  
******  
  
She's ok. That's the main thing.  
  
I close the door behind me and lean heavily against it. OK, mental note - Never go into Buffy's room in the morning.  
  
Closing my eyes for a second and concentrating on my breathing I quickly start thinking about random things that have nothing to do with the Slayer.  
  
Even when she wakes up she is stunning.  
  
Her hair tousled from sleep, her pyjama's twisted from sleep and her eyes blurry and sleepy. It took ALL my self-control to stop myself pouncing on her there and then.  
  
I shake my head and make my way downstairs, think a big breakfast is in order and then a long cold shower.  
  
******  
  
"Hey gimme that!" Dawn leaps towards me as I grab the remote from her unsuspecting fingers.  
  
"Nope." I smile, channel changing at an alarming speed.  
  
"Spiiiiiiikeee!" She squeals, pawing at my arm.  
  
"Nope, you've had the TV to yourself for the past hour, now it's my turn."  
  
"But.But."  
  
I firmly clamp my hand over Nibblets mouth, preventing her from protesting further.  
  
Teeth dig into my hand and quickly I leap off the sofa, discarding the remote and grasping my left hand in surprise. Shit her teeth are sharp.  
  
******  
  
There's a squeal from downstairs, and instantly I leap down the stair and enter the living room quietly  
  
"Spiiiiiiiiiiikkkkeeee!" Dawn tries to wrestle the remote from Spike.  
  
"Nope you've had the TV to yourself for the past hour, now it's my turn."  
  
I watch the scene in amazement. Yesterday she was scared of him and now they are acting like brother and sister.  
  
They sure bonded quickly.  
  
Part of me suddenly becomes jealous of the way my sister can touch and talk to him so innocently and I don't have a hope of that ever happening between him and me.  
  
There's a knock at the door.  
  
Before I can reach it to open it, it swings open and Willow smiles a quick hello.  
  
"I'm here on Dawn watch as requested." She beams at me.  
  
"Well, not sure if you'll be needed Will." I smile, leading Willow into the living room.  
  
"And why not? You can't take another day off work Buffy!" She starts to scold until her eyes fall upon a certain bleached blonde.  
  
"Hey red." He smiles, one hand held onto the remote that is being pulled at the other end by Dawn.  
  
"Uh, hi." She looks baffled.  
  
"This is Spike." I told her, her face turns accusingly towards her for not telling her about him.  
  
"Spike?" She just repeats.  
  
"It's a long story." I sigh. "Have to go to work now though so I'll fill you in later?"  
  
"You can fill me in at that new club thingy tonight?" Her face instantly brightens. "I'm sure you could bring your new friend - Spike." She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.  
  
I give her a stern look and instantly the eyebrows cease movement.  
  
"I'll ask him."  
  
"Already heard pet, not really into dancing." He scrunches his nose up at the idea.  
  
"Aw come on Spike." Dawn squeals from the settee, finally satisfied now she has the remote.  
  
"Yea, it will be fun, you can meet the gang." Willow smiles way too brightly.  
  
He shrugs his shoulders and wanders off. Obviously beaten into going. Why is he so reluctant to go? Does he hate being around me that much?  
  
******  
  
So I'm going to the new friggin' club. Fuck.  
  
If it weren't for that pleading look I received from Red and that high- pitched squeal from Dawn, I would have made my excuses. But no. They had to give me the puppy dog eyes, and watch me come running.  
  
And do you know why I don't want to go?  
  
It's because of the slayer.  
  
She'll be there in all her glory, her beautiful hair cascading down her smooth shoulders, her skimpy outfits causing most guys jeans to become suddenly tight.  
  
And do you know what the worst thing will be?  
  
The close proximity that I will be to that amazing body and the fact that I can't even touch her.  
  
Too bloody late now though isn't it.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	8. Just Dancin'

Authors note: Sorry about the wait guys! I had SERIOUS writers block and it wasn't funny! Plus im back in school now and wow they seem to be piling on the work. That and the new guy who I happen to think is gorgeous. Sorry going a bit off topic there but you people should wish me some luck with him, cause I sure need it. Think of David Boreanaz but slightly thinner and you'll get where I'm going wit this. Anyways hope you enjoy and once again sorry for the delay!!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 8  
  
Decisions.  
  
I hate them.  
  
There is no other word to describe it.  
  
I stand and look at the choice of outfits again.  
  
I just want to scream!!  
  
I wish there was some sort of machine that just decided for you and all you had to do was put it on, smile and there would be the perfect outfit.  
  
"Dawn!" I yell at the top of my voice, hearing scampering feet in the distance, making their way to my room.  
  
"Yeah?" She smiled, entering the room. "Whoa, that's a lot of clothes." She looks shocked at the array of clothing laid out on my bed.  
  
"Help?" I give her my pleading look.  
  
"Fine." She rolls her eyes. "What you dressing up for anyway? You don't normally." She asks suspiciously.  
  
"No reason, felt like it that's all." Like I was going to tell my little sister that I was trying to attract the attention of a certain bleached blonde.  
  
Dawn instantly approaches the low cut leather trousers that I brought on the day Spike arrived. "These." She announces to no one in particular.  
  
"Okay, now I need a top: Red halter or Black halter?"  
  
"Black." She nods her head and smiles. "This outfit wouldn't be for a certain ex vampire would it by any chance?" She quirks her eyebrow and I want to kill her.  
  
"Don't be stupid!" I scowl in return.  
  
"Doesn't take a brainyac to work out that you like him Buffy."  
  
I can feel myself turning redder and redder as every second passes; quickly I turn my back on my sister.  
  
"What gave you that impression?" I try to sound innocent.  
  
"I've seen the stolen looks and the blushing eyes." She smiles and leaves the room.  
  
Damn. Didn't think I was that obvious.  
  
Shit.  
  
If Dawn noticed it what about Spike? Had he noticed that every chance I could get I would look up at him and practically drool on him?  
  
Maybe he had noticed. Maybe he was too embarrassed to tell me where to go. Maybe he felt sorry for me and thought I would be too embarrassed and deny everything if he brought it up?  
  
But what if he had noticed and liked it?  
  
What if he noticed and he wanted more but wasn't sure if I defiantly wanted that?  
  
What if.  
  
****** Lightly I discard my fag onto the porch outside and look up at the moon. Here I am, Spike, stood waiting to go out to a sodding club with the slayer. Let me re-phrase that:  
  
Spike the once big ass vampire, is waiting to go out with the slayer to a club. With the slayer. As in the slayer and me. As in Spike and Buffy.  
  
As I think over the last thought my stomach back flips and I feel as if I'm going to puke.  
  
Not good.  
  
Why I am even going is still new to me.  
  
I could have come up with an excuse - Headache, have to patrol, anything but no! I had to bluddy agree.  
  
I hear footsteps behind me and I know it is Dawn. "Hey Nibblet." I mutter into the night.  
  
"Hey." She sighs. Quietly she stands next to me, her body shivering in the cold.  
  
"Go back inside you Ninny, it's freezing out here."  
  
"I'm OK." She smiles and for some reason I think she wants to tell me something.  
  
"What is it?" I sigh and turn to face her.  
  
"Nothing." She simply replies.  
  
"I know there is something, so just tell me"  
  
"Fine. It's Buffy." Well that's a surprise.  
  
"What about Buffy?" I ask casually.  
  
"Well, she hasn't been out much lately, you know, hasn't had fun in a while. Make sure she has a good time tonight ok?" She asks with a strange amount of authority in her voice.  
  
Oh I'd love to give her some fun. Bloody hell!  
  
"I'm sure she'd have more fun if I wasn't around." I make a move to leave, but her hand finds my elbow and pulls me gently back around.  
  
"No, I think she'll have fun with you." There's a mischievous glint in her eyes that I question with my own. Now why would she think that?  
  
And just like that she disappears into the house leaving me to contemplate what has just been said between us.  
  
******  
  
The stairs creak beneath my feet as I make the dreaded walk downstairs towards the front door in my high black boots. Just please don't let me fall, especially because Spike is stood at the bottom of the stair, leaning casually on the banister.  
  
I make it.  
  
"Ready?" He sounds bored and I shoot him an accusing look.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Bloody should be considering the time you took." He scowls in return but underneath it all I can see that small cheeky smile of his.  
  
"I wasn't that long." I stride ahead of him, swinging the door open and leaving the house.  
  
"You were! Must have been two hours in the bathroom and that was before you fiddled with your face and hair!" He yells from behind.  
  
"Did it all for you though didn't I and you haven't even looked at me yet." I mutter under my breath, luckily out of his ear range.  
  
******  
  
The club is packed. All I can hear is people's heartbeats thudding in my head, their glistening bodies sliding past mine as I try to make it to the bar.  
  
Going to rip some ones noggin off in a minute if they don't get out of my way.  
  
A low growl is emitted from my chest and quickly a young teenager scuttles out of my path. Good choice.  
  
The bar looms closer and I shove my way to the front, ignoring the angry tones of a man I just pushed in front of. Go on mate, I'm looking for an excuse for a fight.  
  
"Beer." I grumble at the bar man and instantly one is produced in front of me almost as if by magic.  
  
Slowly I made my way towards an empty table. I look up and see her, her small frame swinging back and forth to the rhythm of the music on the dance floor.  
  
We had been here about an hour and luckily I had managed to avoid her the whole time, aiming for the bar and quiet tables dotted around the spacious club. Thank god I'm not close to her.  
  
Seeing her descend the stair in those tight leather trousers and black top was enough to stop me breathing. So as soon as we entered this club, I melted into the crowd, keeping as far away as possible to her.  
  
"Hello." A soft voice speaks beside me.  
  
"Not in the mood love." I answer, not even looking up from my beer.  
  
Soft hands touch mine and I know it is her; there is no mistaking the electricity flashing through my skin.  
  
I turn and face her, her small figure swaying slightly under the influence of alcohol.  
  
"Come dance Spike." She smiles and my knees turn to jelly.  
  
"I don't dance love." Any excuse not to stand right now.  
  
"Yes you do, come on." And her slayer strength kicks in as she hauls me to my feet and drags me towards the dance floor.  
  
Faces flash past us as we make our way to the centre where it is the densest. Fucking hell.  
  
She smiles and sways her body against mine, ever so slowly brushing against mine as she rocks her body to the beat.  
  
And I can't help but move.  
  
My hands make their way to her hips and I hold her lightly against my body, her back pressed against my chest as both of us move to the beat. Her hips grind into mine and I have to swallow hard and use all my self-control to stop my hands wandering any further.  
  
Shit this is hard.  
  
She turns to face me and wraps her arms around my neck, her eyes meeting mine but it's too late for me to hide the lust that clouds my eyes. I just have to pray that she doesn't see it, or remember it tomorrow.  
  
I turn my head away and feel her press her own to my chest. Instinctively my arms travel up her back and hold her to my body.  
  
God how I have prayed for this moment.  
  
Her body becomes heavy and I know that she's had way too much to drink. So carefully I help walk her off the dance floor and sit her down in a quiet corner.  
  
"Buffy?" She sits down and her head remains rested on my shoulder.  
  
"Hmm?" She muffles in reply.  
  
"You doing OK?"  
  
"Much better now I'm with you Spike. I've been looking for you ALL night. Where have you been?" She uses her hands to lift herself up more, her face closer to mine.  
  
"Right here pet, I haven't been anywhere." I can't help but smile.  
  
Her lips brush against my cheek and heat flows through my body, causing everything to feel numb.  
  
"Thank you." She whispers in my ear, returning to her position curled against my chest.  
  
I sit there stunned.  
  
Did she just kiss me?  
  
Did Buffy just voluntarily kiss me on the cheek?  
  
Wait a sec.  
  
She's drunk, and she was only saying thank you. We all know that it is a usual female custom to kiss someone on the cheek when they are saying a thank you.  
  
Hang on one moment!  
  
Why the hell is she saying thank you to me?  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	9. You can't remember

Authors note: Well HELLO out there! Where are those reviews guys? You don't get no updates without reviews! So get them fingers busy and type away! Hehe well I was feeling rather creative with this chap so I wrote a poem to kick it off and then it slips back into the fic. Last little verse at the end is a song by Muse called Time is running out. thought you might like to know. Neways, hope you enjoy!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 6  
  
// Everlasting love I hold,  
  
Bared to you, my eyes, they told.  
  
Drowning pools of blue and gold  
  
You did not see what they told  
  
Of how I see you as you are  
  
You have me running so so far  
  
But now you must forget that sight.  
  
Of what you saw on that fateful night.  
  
That lust and love that I showed to you  
  
I want to scream if only you knew,  
  
The truth that lies amidst the past  
  
I want this love to always last  
  
Yet somehow deep down amongst the hope  
  
Lies the fate that I'll have to cope,  
  
Without your love that I'll never feel,  
  
Doomed to emptiness, I'll never heal,  
  
Torn in two, my heart is broken  
  
My screaming silence it has truly spoken. //  
  
Bang.  
  
Bang.  
  
Bang.  
  
Bang.  
  
My head has a beat of its own, my body swaying slowly with the rhythm of my head. Sickness, wavering in motion to the ominous pounding as slowly I try to figure out which way is up and which way is down.  
  
My hands close around the doorknob of my room and I rest my head against the solid wood, feeling the coolness of the door against my burning forehead.  
  
Ow.  
  
Flashes cross my mind, of bumping bodies, laughing people and the disgusting offer of more drink. I reach out and take it, knowing I'll regret it later, but taking it all the same.  
  
What the hell happened last night?  
  
All I can remember is the excessive amount of alcohol I drank. Who was even with me?  
  
I remember leaving the house with Spike, and meeting Willow and Xander in the club. There was drinking and I remember that guy who tried to buy me a drink, but Xander stepped up claiming me as his to get rid of him.  
  
Then Spike disappeared.  
  
I remember searching for him but him wearing his usual black attire meant he was hidden in the darkness of the club.  
  
So where did he go?  
  
I shrug, and peel myself off the door and open it slowly, leaning all my weight on the doorknob and then on the banister as I practically crawl down the stairs.  
  
I enter the lounge and collapse onto the sofa, there is no way in hell that I am moving from here today.  
  
I hear footsteps and turn to look towards the doorway. Spike enters, a newspaper held in his hand and a cup of tea in the other; completely oblivious to the fact I'm sat on the sofa. He walks forward and sits down on a chair, placing the cup of tea on the small table next to it. "Hey." I mutter groggily.  
  
He looks slightly startled and turns to face me, his eyes wide with surprise. "Hi." He avoids eye contact and drinks from his tea. "How are you doing?" He asks, obviously mocking the definite hangover that I am suffering from.  
  
"I feel like I've been hit over the head with a baseball bat." I smile weakly back. "What happened last night?" I rest my head on the back of the sofa, suddenly wishing I wasn't here but back upstairs in bed where Spike wouldn't be able to see me.  
  
"You mean you don't remember?" Is that relief I can see cross his face?  
  
"I remember there was drink, and that I drank the drink. That's about it." I answer sheepishly. "I can't even remember seeing you after we had arrived."  
  
"Oh." He smiles back, suddenly his mood seeming brighter.  
  
"Where were you?"  
  
"Around." He shrugs his shoulder and returns to his paper.  
  
"Around"  
  
"Yes, around."  
  
He found another girl didn't he. I knew I should have stayed sober. My heart grows heavy, as I realise what this could mean. He doesn't like me. If he liked me so much, then surly he would have stayed with me all night. Surely he would have made a move or something?  
  
But maybe he was with me all night and I just don't remember.  
  
"So how did I get home?"  
  
******  
  
Last night was unbelievable. You kissed me.  
  
Ok, ok, I know it was only on the cheek but still a guy can wish can't he?  
  
"So how did I get home?"  
  
I look up from my paper and again avoid your eye contact. I am so grateful you don't remember last night. So grateful that you don't remember the dancing.  
  
"I brought you home." You fell asleep in the club and I ever so gently lifted you from your seat and carried you home.  
  
"Oh, I just don't remember walking that's all."  
  
Well luv, you didn't exactly walk.  
  
"Well you got home safe and sound and that's the main thing." I stand, figuring this is a good moment to leave the room before any more dodgy questions are asked.  
  
Silence follows as I cross the room and I think I've got away with it until she screws her nose up, deep in thought and says:  
  
"Did we dance?"  
  
SHIT.  
  
I stop mid pace and turn around to face her. Two options: Number one lie. Number two tell the truth.  
  
"Sort of." Ok so maybe bending the truth should have been added to that list.  
  
******  
  
"Oh I just don't remember walking that's all." I smile back at him and think once more to the night's events.  
  
Slowly things are seeping back into my memory. Oh, I remember that guy that I danced with. Grabbed him from his chair and grinded up against his muscular body to the beat of the music.  
  
How embarrassing.  
  
Can hardly remember what he looked like.  
  
I remember he was wearing a long coat though, cause I had to slip my hands under it to hold onto his back.  
  
Wasn't Spike wearing a long coat? SHIT.  
  
"Did we dance?" I ask, slightly puzzled and silently praying.  
  
He looks alarmed, like a rabbit lost in headlights. "Sort of."  
  
No. NO. NOOOOO! Fuck I remember now. I remember the bleached hair, and the familiar smell.  
  
This is so not good.  
  
I look at him and he looks as bad as I feel right now. How fucking embarrassing. If only he knew the truth. If only he knew that I wished for there to be no clothing between us as we danced.  
  
He must think I'm insane.  
  
Quickly I stand, hiding the sudden rush of pain to my head and hurry towards the door, sliding past him and up the stairs. Need to escape now. He looks the same, coughing loudly and making a hasty retreat to the kitchen.  
  
******  
  
Colour flushes to her cheeks and I can see the embarrassment and shame hidden in the depths of her eyes. Why was she so embarrassed? Does she think I'm really that repulsive?  
  
I stand in the kitchen, leaning heavily on the kitchen table, the newspaper spread out before me.  
  
I have got to get out of here.  
  
So I flick to the advertisement page and scan the list for rooms to rent.  
  
One bedroom flat  
  
En-suite bathroom  
  
Lounge  
  
Kitchen  
  
Price to be discussed.  
  
Translation: Fucking expensive, for rich kiddies only.  
  
Small flat  
  
With lounge and bathroom.  
  
Translation: Shit hole.  
  
I read the rest of the list and nothing special catches my eye. Looks like I'm staying here for a few more days at least.  
  
"Hey." A punch lands in the base of my back and I spin to find Dawn beaming back at me.  
  
"Hey Nibblet." I smile in return.  
  
"Whacha looking at?" She peers past me and notices the page I'm looking at.  
  
"Your not leaving are you?" She seems disappointed, her eyes never leaving mine.  
  
"Well, yeah, 'bout time I had a place of my own. I'm getting under your feet." I cough and cross the room.  
  
"Spike!" She whines in response. "Your not getting under our feet, stop being such a jerk! Giles is leaving in a few days and then you can have his room!"  
  
It's that pleading look again.  
  
"Look, I have to move on."  
  
"Move on where?" A new voice enters the conversation and instantly I know its her. The slayer.  
  
"Spike's moving out." Dawn folds her arms across her chest and pokes out her tongue at me, knowing full well I didn't want Buffy to know yet.  
  
"You're leaving?" She sounds sad. Why would she be sad?  
  
"Well, maybe, I don't know, just feel like I need to. You have enough to cope with, let alone me burdening you. Plus I'm an extra mouth for you to feed and I know you can't afford it." I avoid those beautiful eyes 'cause I know I'll break if I look at you.  
  
"Your not a burden." She mutters and I'm shocked. Would have thought she'd want me out of there as fast as possible.  
  
"Why don't you pay us rent then? You can have Giles' room when he moves out to his new place and then you can move in." Dawn chirps from the corner.  
  
"Now Nibblet, that should be up to your sister not you" I turn and face Buffy, my eyes falling upon hers.  
  
"If that's what you want." She shrugs, a slight smile lightened in her eyes.  
  
How could I deny it to her? How could I deny such an offer, even if it kills me every single minute of every single day because I can only look and not touch?  
  
"Ok." I smile at Buffy and Dawn makes a leap at me, wrapping her arms around my waist.  
  
******  
  
The day passes and Buffy's hangover passes. Why is she so beautiful even when she feels like shit? That is amazing.  
  
Night draws in and I feel the urge for a fag. Quietly I slip out the back door and sit down on the edge of the balcony, taking out my treasured fag and lighting it.  
  
Footsteps sound behind me and I know its her.  
  
She seats herself beside me, wrapping her arms around herself to shield her body from the cold.  
  
Silence.  
  
And then I ruin it. Not because I want the noise but the fact I can no longer stand just hearing her breathing. It drives me wild.  
  
"You Ok, with this arrangement?" I take another drag from my cig.  
  
She turns to face me. "Spike, I wouldn't have asked you if I wasn't happy about it." She sighs and I see a small shiver ripple through her body.  
  
Why the hell is she outside if she feels cold? I restrain myself from reaching my arm around her and hugging her in close.  
  
Her leg brushes against mine as she reaches across me and picks up a discarded magazine that Dawn had left out here earlier. I swallow hard as she settles herself next to me, her leg still in contact with mine.  
  
I freeze.  
  
She flicks through the magazine aimlessly, her body leaning more towards me as every second passes. Or is that just my imagination? Just stupid wishful thinking?  
  
Her body is almost touching mine now and she glances at me and smiles slightly.  
  
"Kinda cold." She mutters and her head hits my shoulder.  
  
Jesus Christ I think I'm going to implode.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~*  
  
// I think I'm drowning,  
  
Asphyxiated,  
  
I wanna break the spell that you've created,  
  
Your something beautiful,  
  
A Contridiction,  
  
I want to play the game, I want the friction. // 


	10. Prayers

Authors note: hehe this chappy is a bit mean I know but tough!! If you don't review then I leave little cliff hangers to keep you guessing and to drive you nutty!! Come on people! Where are the reviews?!?! Thanks to all those that have reviewed keep them coming!! Ah im starting to get stuck with this now so if anyone has any suggestions please suggest!!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 10  
  
Silently I start praying.  
  
Praying that he will react, that he will maybe wrap an arm around me lightly, some sort of sign that tells me what he's thinking, what he thinks about me.  
  
His body becomes rigid.  
  
Shit.  
  
I close my eyes in defeat. I knew he didn't like me, I knew it. And after last nights performance who could blame him? There I was grinding against him to the heavy beat, its no wonder the guy looked panicked when I mentioned it.  
  
I make my excuses and leave. Just a friend Buff, nothing more, nothing less. Just appreciate him for that.  
  
But I can't.  
  
I want more and no matter how hard I try not to think about him he keeps haunting my mind, appearing at the most inappropriate of moments.  
  
And the dreams are the worst.  
  
We're talking three dimensional, surround sound type of dream that leaves you in a tangled state between the bedcovers.  
  
I just can't get you out of my head.  
  
******  
  
Do nothing. Do absolutely nothing. Don't even THINK about it mate.  
  
She is just cold. Cold that's all. Just bloody cold.  
  
Just nickin' your body heat. Using and abusing you as normal. *I want to touch you* -  
  
NO YOU DON'T!  
  
You no that's a bad idea. You know from experience that that is not how it goes with Buffy. She. Does. Not. Want. A. Monster. Like. You.  
  
But logically I'm not a monster anymore.  
  
But if she knew what haunted your mind every minute of every day, then she would still think of you as a monster.  
  
And I know it.  
  
Sighing I rise from the step and take one last look at the house before retreating into the darkness to hunt for something to kill.  
  
******  
  
I watch him fade into the darkness and have a sudden urge to follow.  
  
I finish my cup of coco and scoop up my jacket from the back of the chair and make my way outside. For some reason I can't stay inside the house, I need to get rid of some of this pent up frustration.  
  
So patrol it will be.  
  
I try to concentrate on the task at hand but it's impossible when Spike haunts my head the way he does. I listen carefully to my surroundings, trying to pay attention to what could be lurking in the bushes beside me.  
  
I'm in the cemetery now, half of me cursing the person who thought up the layout of this place. The perimeter is surrounded by dense woods that cut into the centre field, splitting up the layout of the headstones.  
  
Perfect fucking hiding place for demons.  
  
I sigh inwardly and continue my walk.  
  
Never again will I let my friends invite him out. Never Ever. Especially to somewhere that involves drinking. A lot.  
  
There's a loud sound behind me.  
  
Instantly I stop dead, my nerves tingling with anticipation.  
  
It's a vamp. I thank god silently that it isn't anything larger because I'm not sure if my muscles would have been able to work that hard today.  
  
And so the fight begins.  
  
It starts well, he's lying on the floor and I have height to my advantage for once in my life.  
  
That was till I head the running footsteps of more vamps. And not just one more either.  
  
******  
  
And so the evening is quiet.  
  
That or every vamp in this stupid town has run a mile after they have see the look on my face tonight.  
  
I am literally DYING for a fight tonight.  
  
I stick to the outskirts of the cemetery, guessing that that would be where the worst of the beasties would be.  
  
I round the corner and stare shocked at the scene in front of me.  
  
Nine vamps, running full speed for Buffy, her small frame bent over another that lay on the floor, its hands held up to his face as he explodes into dust. But this does not stop the stampeding beasts.  
  
Before I can react she's down on the ground, one pinning her down another kicking her sides in.  
  
And then the adrenaline hits my system and I'm running like I've never run before, sprinting over the dewy grass and leaping headstones that lie in my way.  
  
Hands grasp my collar as I leap into the thick of them, tearing at bodies and throwing them off my slayer. She lie's, curled up slightly with a few scratches and bruises but she looks at me and I can tell she is all right.  
  
Everything is ok. She is safe. My body relaxes at the sight of her.  
  
That one moment of relief that sweeps over my body is enough for the vampires to gain the upper hand.  
  
Soon I find myself being thrown back and pummelled by several fists as I try to stand and block the advances. I peer over my shoulder and see Buffy on her feet, fighting with all her strength as she takes down two more vamps.  
  
Minutes later and we are left with three.  
  
The first one I take on is relatively easy and by the look of him only looks a couple of weeks old. No wonder he hung back. I turn to the next figuring he would be similar but oh I was so wrong.  
  
This vampire had an air about him that suggested that he was a wise vampire, been around for a long time, has experienced a lot of fights.  
  
And by the samurai sword he held in his right hand, I just knew this was going to be a hard fight.  
  
Bloody hell.  
  
******  
  
And so he came. He has this thing where he always turns up at the right moment. Weather if it's just to comfort me or to protect me, he always happens to be just around the corner. Kinda creepy.  
  
But I am glad he is here tonight.  
  
I see him take out the fledgling and know he only has one left. He will be fine. So I turn my attention back to the task at hand.  
  
My vamp.  
  
"Hey there sweetie." He drawls, cocky as ever.  
  
"You just don't get it do you? How many of your fangy buddies do I have to kill before you realise I'm going to kick your ass."  
  
"I think not sugar."  
  
"Oh please! What is with you vamps and your pet names?"  
  
I roll my eyes and take a swing at the vamp, knocking him instantly to the ground.  
  
"Hey!" he yells, leaping to his feet and wiping the blood from his mouth  
  
"I did warn you." I sigh, leaping and kicking him in the chest causing him to stumble backwards.  
  
I lean forward and grab the front of his shirt lifting him and throwing him towards a near by tree, impaling him on a low branch.  
  
"Well that was handy." I dust myself off, watching as the cocky vamp explodes into oblivion.  
  
"FUCK!"  
  
I spin on my heel at the sound of Spike's familiar English accent.  
  
Dust settles around him and I smile. He sure kicked that Vamps butt. What's with the swearing then?  
  
He stumbles back two steps and turns his body towards mine and suddenly I'm running at him, like he was to me.  
  
******  
  
Fucking vampires.  
  
And so I take out the posh bastard. Would have totally kicked his ass if it weren't for that sharp pointy weapon he held in his hand.  
  
And as my stake plunged through his flesh he brought it up to my body and slashed downwards, cutting a deep diagonal line across my flesh.  
  
Cut my bloody duster too.  
  
I smiled as I watched his blue eyes disappear before mine and let out a low laugh. Serve him right for messing with me.  
  
And then I look down and feel my energy slowly start to rush out of me and I stumble back, desperate to stay upright.  
  
And then my knees buckle.  
  
I bring my left hand up to my chest and touch the wound, feeling the warm sticky liquid ooze across my fingertips.  
  
Yet there is no pain.  
  
My vision becomes blurred as I try to focus on one thing in front of me but I can't no matter how hard I try.  
  
Feel bloody sick now.  
  
I fight with darkness as it tries to swarm my head, making all my limbs feel heavy.  
  
All I want to do is sleep.  
  
Shit.  
  
******  
  
A long deep gash runs diagonally down his chest, blood squirts from it, staining his body scarlet.  
  
He drops to his knees and falls back into the damp grass.  
  
"Spike!" I cry out, reaching his side  
  
His eyes remain closed and I start praying to someone, anyone that he is ok. That he will survive.  
  
I try too stop the blood but there is too much, flooding out across his body and over my clothes as I fight desperately with his torn flesh.  
  
"Spike, please wake up. Spike don't do this to me now you fucking bastard. You can't die. You just can't" I fight with the tears and turn it to anger. Angry at myself.  
  
I move my hand to his and grasp his wrist, desperate to feel the pumping of blood indicating to me that he is still alive.  
  
This is all my fault.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	11. Hallucinations?

Chap 11  
  
Authors note: Hello everybody!! Eek, These chaps seem to be going down hill. not good. And I'm getting the distinct impression that nobody is reading it or are reading it and hate it!! Eep. Thanks anyway to the people that do review. *lots and lots of huggles!!* Oh and I was feeling creative once again so I wrote another poem. Don't know if that's a good thing or not :S Let me no!  
  
Here goes.  
  
// *~* Darkness shoots through my skin  
  
I cannot let this devil win  
  
Thick and red it runs away  
  
Please, let them find another way  
  
I cannot leave you just like this  
  
Everything was as you wish  
  
For once I knew where I stood  
  
Next to you, where no-one could  
  
Ever hurt you for I am there  
  
Even if my heart does tear  
  
As I live the memory of the past  
  
Memories that should not have last  
  
But maybe it's good that you don't know  
  
What happened would bring you so much woe  
  
I must continue gasping for life  
  
So you can have a go at twisting the knife  
  
Do not let me leave this world  
  
Battered, bruised I lie here curled  
  
But whatever you do just don't let me go  
  
There is so much more you need to know  
  
Words I have not uttered yet  
  
I am already trapped in that net  
  
Of loving you  
  
If only you knew. *~* //  
  
*~*  
  
Blood running everywhere.  
  
Thick and red flowing across the green grass as desperately I cry out for help.  
  
But even I know no one can hear me, no one can help me.  
  
Yet somehow deep inside I have to help him. I can't let him leave this way. Especially when there is so much more I need to say, do.  
  
And so I pull out my cell and call the first person I think of.  
  
Xander.  
  
******  
  
"Do you think he is going to be ok?" Willow asks me, her tones quiet yet demanding.  
  
"Well he is part demon, I'm sure he'll heal pretty fast right?" I look at Giles and search for answers in his expressionless face.  
  
"Well technically yes, but he needs to be in a hospital."  
  
"I can't take him to a hospital!! How the hell am I supposed to explain to the doctors if anything weird shows up?"  
  
"Good point."  
  
I hang my head in defeat.  
  
"Well we have to get some supplies." Willow suddenly pipes up.  
  
"Yeah, some bandages and stuff." Dawn appears in the doorway after I sent her to her room so she could not see the bad state Spike is in.  
  
I guess she crept up on us.  
  
I take another look at Spike; his pale features look old and tired. At least the bleeding has stopped. It's just the damage inside that worries me.  
  
I look at my hand next to his and slide my fingers over to his wrist and feel his pulse once more. It is there although weak.  
  
Don't give up on me now.  
  
The touch of his skin on mine is heaven. To think that I may not be able to see let alone touch this skin again if he does not survive causes a sob to catch in my throat.  
  
Pull yourself together Buffy, you hardly know him.  
  
The room falls silent and I watch the figures of my friends move around me in slow motion, everything becoming blurred except the figure that lies on my bed.  
  
What have I done?  
  
Guilt wracks my body as I stare at your lifeless form.  
  
You were given a second chance in the sun, and now I might have taken that away from you.  
  
"Please" I mutter quietly, aimlessly praying.  
  
Silently the tears begin to fall.  
  
******  
  
"What's wrong with her? She hardly knows the man." Xander whispers harshly to Willow in the kitchen.  
  
"I don't know Xand, but we have to let her be. She blames herself."  
  
"Will, it's been four days! She has hardly left his side, hardly eaten. It's his own fault he got chopped up by another demon!"  
  
"We just have to be here to support her. And hope that Spike wakes up."  
  
Xander shrugs his shoulders and folds his arms in front of his chest. "So in the mean time we're left to do all the dirty work."  
  
"XAND!" Willow bats him on the shoulder lightly.  
  
******  
  
I'm curled up now, in a chair beside him, watching as he draws ragged breaths.  
  
Please wake up, please wake up, please wake up.  
  
Before I realise what I am doing, I'm reaching over and taking Spike's hand in mine.  
  
"Wake up Spike, please wake up. You can't die, you just can't. You see when I first saw you I realised something, I realised that there is more to my life than patrol and caring for my sister. There's you. See you can't die Spike, because. I think I'm falling in love with you."  
  
******  
  
Bloody fucking hell.  
  
Searing pain shoots through my veins and my body feels heavy, so damn heavy. I can't open my eyes and no matter how hard I shout, no sound seems to be leaving my mouth.  
  
I can hear a voice though.  
  
Very quietly I can hear a female voice, uttering words to me, comforting me. My body relaxes and I try to hear who it is, what they are saying.  
  
"Wake up.."  
  
I'm bloody trying luv, but without much success.  
  
"Please wake up.."  
  
And you think please is going to help the situation? I bloody can't.  
  
There are more words but I can't make them out.  
  
"..You can't die."  
  
Well clearly I'm not dead, I'm here.  
  
Hang on a mo; if I can't speak, and I can't move, maybe I am dead?  
  
Shit.  
  
Panic enters my system. That bloody wanker telling me that I should return to Buffy, but when I soddin' do I end up fucking dead!  
  
I struggle with myself now. Urging my body to wake up, urging something to move, something to indicate that yes I am actually alive.  
  
And then I catch her last words.  
  
"Falling in love with you."  
  
WHAT THE FUCK??  
  
I really am dead. Bloody hallucinating and everything.  
  
******  
  
And so the tears fall, making endless journeys down my cheeks like little rivers making their never ending journey to the sea.  
  
My hand grips his tighter and I lay my head on the edge of the bed, too tired to go on. Too tired of the pain and guilt.  
  
Spike takes a deeper breath.  
  
I lay still and shut my eyes, why does it always happen to me?  
  
Suddenly I feel the faintest squeeze of my hand.  
  
I bolt up right in shock. Did he just squeeze my hand? Did Spike just squeeze my hand?  
  
I look at his face and he still remains expressionless, his features void of emotion and the same as it has been for the past 4 days.  
  
Just my imagination then.  
  
Wait. Was that another squeeze?  
  
I look down at our hands and his knuckles have turned the faintest shade of white as he clearly holds my hand back.  
  
WOOHOO!!  
  
"Spike?" I whisper, scared that this all might be a dream and that at any given moment it will all fade away and leave me with a still unconscious Spike.  
  
"Buffy?" A mumbled answer replies.  
  
"Oh my god your awake. I can't believe it. Your alive!"  
  
I see those piecing blue eyes and feel my heart skip a beat.  
  
Then suddenly I realise  
  
Did he hear what I just said? Did he hear me admit my love?  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	12. Moving on

Authors note: Hiya how you all doin? Still with me? Or have we got frustrated with the boring fic and have moved on?? If your there give me a shout and let me know how all this is going!! Hehe, well im stuck, Really stuck, this is my attempt to get me out of the hole ive been diggin for myself, but it seems to have made it worse. DAMNIT!! See what you think.  
  
here goes.  
  
Chap 12  
  
"Ow."  
  
"Spike!"  
  
"Ow"  
  
"What are you trying to do!"  
  
"Ow."  
  
"Reopen your wound?"  
  
"Ow."  
  
"Stop it!"  
  
"BLOODY HELL!."  
  
I rush across the room to his side at the edge of the bed where he is attempting to put a shirt on but with little success.  
  
"Why didn't you call me?" I reach forward, facing him and lift the shirt up around his back and help him slowly ease his arms into the sleeves of the tight black shirt.  
  
"Thanks luv." His voice is gruff and instantly sends shivers up my spine.  
  
It has been a week since he woke up and nothing has been mentioned about what I said. All I can hope is that he defiantly didn't hear me.  
  
He looks up towards me and his gaze catches mine and for a split second I can't move, I am completely paralysed to the spot. How can he have such control over me?  
  
I blink. Once. Twice.  
  
And then realise the close proximity between the two of us. I can feel his hot breath on my shoulder and I am suddenly filled with the urge to kiss him.  
  
But I won't.  
  
No matter how hard I tell myself "Just kiss him, see what happens." I never will because I'm scared. Scared of what rejection feels like.  
  
He coughs and suddenly my limbs are free once more and I find myself leaping up and making a hasty retreat to the door.  
  
"Want a cup of tea?" I call over my shoulder.  
  
"No pet, I'm fine with the one you made for me five minutes ago." I can hear the sarcasm in his voice and that just makes me speed up more.  
  
******  
  
How close can you get?  
  
Just that innocent touch of her hands on my arms, her thigh rested against mine as she kneels on one knee in front of me is enough to send me over the edge.  
  
If she had stayed that close to me any longer I don't know how long I could have lasted before pouncing on her there and then despite the pain it would have caused.  
  
God I need a shower. A long, cold shower.  
  
I yawn lazily wishing I had a better night sleep than I had had for the past few nights.  
  
I keep dreaming.  
  
And it's the same dream night after night after night.  
  
The one that includes the Angel. The Angel that spoke to me, as I lay unconscious, as I lay practically dead in Buffy's room.  
  
The one that told me she loves me.  
  
What a hallucination that was!  
  
The worse thing is that I keep believe the voice is Buffy's, that Buffy is talking to me, telling me her undying love.  
  
But now I know it is just my head that's talking.  
  
Bloody hell.  
  
I am too obsessed.  
  
******  
  
Warm hands touch my arms and fire burns through my skin, racing through my veins like molten lava.  
  
And I yet I shiver.  
  
I shut my eyes and swallow hard as the hands are taken away and suddenly I feel deprived of everything good in this world.  
  
Wish he would stop doing that.  
  
I glare at his back as he limps past me towards the fridge but instantly my eyes soften as he glances towards me and smirks his familiar sarcastic smile.  
  
That's when my knees go weak and I have to grip the work counter to stop myself falling to the ground.  
  
"How's patrol? Everything quiet? No big nasties about to rip open this hellmouth?" He questions, while munching on some cornflakes.  
  
"Same old, same old. Nothing major, just a couple of vamps here and there." I smile back.  
  
"Wish I could be out there patrolling with you" Is that concern I see in his eyes?  
  
"Well as soon as your healed I'm sure there'll be nothing stopping you."  
  
"Aye."  
  
I glance up at the clock. 10:00 AM.  
  
"SHIT!" I gasp, grabbing my jacket from the back of the kitchen chair and tripping over the mat in the process. Stumbling, I manage to regain footing and start running towards the front door.  
  
"What is it?" I hear Spike make a move to get up and he yelps in pain.  
  
"Interview in 10 minutes!! You ok?" I holler over my shoulder.  
  
"Yeah just go will you!"  
  
******  
  
She never told me she had an interview.  
  
She never tells me anything anymore.  
  
Mind you she never did tell me much back in good old sunny hell. How long ago that seems to be when really six months ago, she was saving me from myself, saving my soul.  
  
I remember what it was like then. Yes there was a lot of shit going on what with Caleb and the First but she pulled through like she always did and never let her guard down. She remained strong even when the walls were crumbling in around her.  
  
But she showed me the truth.  
  
With just one look from her I knew she was dying inside. I knew she couldn't stand the pain anymore.  
  
And the more her heart broke, the more my heart bled. Because there was shit all I could do about it. My mind casts back to that fateful day  
  
"I love you." She says it so softly, my heart strings pull and for a moment I believe her. All I can feel is her hand in mine.  
  
"No, you don't. But thanks for saying it." I know she doesn't mean it and when I push her away, she takes my heart with her.  
  
Now that was months ago. So long in fact it seems like a dream, just a distant dream of a timeless nightmare that haunted both our sleeps. Yet still her words linger in my head. And still I wish they were real.  
  
******  
  
"Buffy Summers?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Mrs Pinkle will see you now"  
  
I rise from my seat, my folder clutched to my chest as I silently pray that this lovely woman will give me the job I so desperately need.  
  
"Good morning." I smile and hold out my hand to Mrs Pinkle.  
  
"Hello Buffy. Take a seat" She smiles warmly and I hope she's in a good mood.  
  
"So Buffy, tell me about yourself?"  
  
"Well I'm hardworking, full of energy and eager to please. I have a sister, Dawn, who has just turned 17 and I've been looking after her on my own since my mom died a few years back." We won't mention the councillors.  
  
"Right well that sounds good. What makes you think that you are suited for the position here at Summersdown nursery?"  
  
"Well eh, I like kids." This was the only job that offered me an interview. "I feel I need to pass on my learning to other children, give them opportunities that I could not have."  
  
"Ok. And you're happy to work with toddlers?"  
  
"Yes." I mean how hard could it be?  
  
******  
  
"How'd it go then?" I turn the TV off as she enters the room, eager to hear if my little slayer got her job.  
  
My? Where did that come from? She ain't mine and never will be.  
  
"Ok, surprisingly, considering I don't exactly have any qualifications."  
  
"Good."  
  
"And you? How are you coping?"  
  
"Fine." How much does that hurt my pride?  
  
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.  
  
I pick up the phone beside me. "Hi."  
  
"Uh, Hi, Spike? It's Willow, is Buffy around?"  
  
"Get her for you now." And I pass the phone over, her fingers lingering on my hand for a split second, if only it was longer. "It's red."  
  
"Hey Will!" A smile lightens her features. She should smile more often.  
  
I sit and listen to the conversation a bit longer.  
  
"No I can't come out, well not tonight anyway"  
  
And why the hell not?  
  
"I can't leave Spike can I?" She tries to say it quietly but she can't escape my vampiric hearing. "Yes you bloody can!" I shout from the sofa. "Red, she's coming out!" I continue to yell.  
  
She glares at me but I can see the sparkle of excitement in her eyes.  
  
******  
  
Suddenly I am wishing I had stayed quiet.  
  
I swallow slowly and try to peel my eyes away from the sight before me but I can't no matter how hard I try.  
  
There she stands in a red halter dress that stops short well above the knee.  
  
Oh. My. God.  
  
This time I manage to shut my eyes. If I am reacting like this, me being a red blooded male, then how the hell are all the other guys going to react!  
  
******  
  
Just say it Spike, one little word, and I won't leave tonight.  
  
Just say that you're in pain, or you don't want to be alone and I'll stay. Gladly.  
  
But the more I pray for him to say something the more time passes by and he hasn't said a word.  
  
"So bye then." I mutter.  
  
"Bye."  
  
I turn to leave but then go back. "Sure you don't need anything?"  
  
"No, you go have fun." He has his back to me and seems a little stiff.  
  
"Not hungry? Cause I could make you something before I go?"  
  
"And ruin your pretty little dress? No go"  
  
"What about company? You wont be lonely right cause - "  
  
"BUFFY!"  
  
"Ok Ok, I'm going."  
  
And so I leave the house with only one thing on my mind.  
  
The fact that I need to move on. I need to get Spike out of my head.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	13. Mistakes

Chap 13  
  
Burning acrid taste of tequila as it passes down my throat and settles on my stomach along with the 10 I have already had and the two double Malibu's and coke. I screw my eyes up as I let the taste slowly dissolve and declare to the barman that I want another.  
  
Whoa I'm getting drunk tonight.  
  
I take tentative steps towards the dance floor as I make the decision that I haven't grooved to this tune in a while and it was about time I did. That is where I spot Willow, grooving away along with Xander.  
  
"Hey guys!" I mutter as I amble towards them.  
  
"Hiya Buffy!" Xander waves in greeting and Willow gives me a hug.  
  
"How are you doing?" Xander asks.  
  
"I'm a little bit drunk." I slur in response, demonstrating the 'tiny' amount with my thumb and forefinger.  
  
"Well come and sit with us for a while?" Willow gently touches my elbow and I frantically shake my head in response.  
  
"No. I want to dance."  
  
And so I do.  
  
And from this day on I wish I had taken Willow up on her suggestion.  
  
******  
  
Bloody hate Saturday night tele. Never anything decent on.  
  
Angrily, I flick from one channel to another barely recognising what is passing before my eyes. My mind flicks back to Buffy in her tight red little number. I swallow hard and shake my head, trying to shake the image from my mind.  
  
Why does she do that? God I wish I could be with her tonight.  
  
Thinking about it.  
  
What's stopping me?  
  
I mean yes I have one hell of an injury but since when has that stopped me from chasing the girl I want. And it's not as if I can't just suddenly turn up, it is America, land of the free after all.  
  
I suppose I could just pop in for a beer.  
  
No harm in that is there?  
  
And if I happen to bump into Buffy then so be it.  
  
I shrug and find myself stood next to the coat stand, grasping my duster in my hand.  
  
******  
  
Bodies everywhere. Glistening with sweat as they dance to the music, colliding with each other as they move, grinding with each other as they pass.  
  
And I am one of them.  
  
I sway my hips to the music my arms held above my head as I gasp for breath. Wow it's hot in here.  
  
Unknown arms wrap around my waist and I shut my eyes, wishing it were Spike, wanting it to be Spike.  
  
But it's not.  
  
Without even turning around I know it is not him because he is sat at home injured. But I allow the hands to stay.  
  
I said I needed to get Spike out of my head right? Well then this is a perfect opportunity.  
  
And so we sway together, the guy not mentioning anything interesting, me not wanting to say anything to him.  
  
And then he takes my hand in his and spins me around to face him, grazing a kiss against my hot cheeks.  
  
Spike?  
  
I stare into perfectly blue eyes and for a split second I believe it is him, that it is the ex vampire stood before me. But it is not.  
  
Dark blonde spiky hair replaces the gelled back bleached look that is Spike's trademark.  
  
My heart drops as I notice the difference.  
  
Meanwhile, the guy seems unaffected, kissing along my jaw line and up to my lips as we continue to sway to the music. And I let him. I let him kiss me and then I let him lead me off the dance floor.  
  
******  
  
I wince inwardly as I step out of my car and walk towards the club. Suddenly I am thinking this was a bad idea. That I shouldn't go inside, that I should be at home where I cannot make this injury any worse.  
  
I wish now that I had given into that thought and turned around.  
  
But I didn't.  
  
I continue my walk to the club, nodding at the bouncer as I pass him, entering the hot dark club.  
  
Instantly the smell of sweat and alcohol engulf me and I screw my nose up in disgust.  
  
I am way to sober.  
  
I'm at the bar within seconds asking the guy for a beer, subconsciously searching for the slayer as I move.  
  
No sign of her.  
  
******  
  
Hot kisses are pressed against my skin, my back pressed against the wall as something inside tells me this is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this. But instead I don't give in and let it continue.  
  
Fierce kisses meet my lips as eagerly our tongues battle for dominance. His body is pressed against mine, my hands wrapped around his neck, buried in his hair.  
  
I don't even know his name.  
  
Hands travel up my body and across my chest and I let it continue, knowing how wrong it was but wanting it all the same.  
  
******  
  
Ok, had way to many beers now and still haven't found my slayer.  
  
Found the Whelp and Red though. They told me she should be here still and that they had seen her dancing not too long ago. She couldn't be far.  
  
But maybe she had gone home.  
  
I scan the outskirts of the building once more and my attention is drawn to a couple just across the room from me. She is wearing a red dress, a lot like Buffy's, her golden hair tumbling loosely over her shoulders. Her eyes move to mine and the strangest feeling shoots through my body as her hazel gaze falls upon me.  
  
Shit it is Buffy.  
  
******  
  
"Let's go outside." The guy mumbles in my ear.  
  
"No." I whisper back, What the fuck am I doing?  
  
"Come on baby."  
  
"NO" I place a hand on his chest and gently start pushing him off me.  
  
The guy resists.  
  
I look over his shoulder and my worst dream comes true. My gaze catches the look of another man, his bright blue eyes clouding over as he watches the scene in front of him.  
  
Platinum blonde hair slicked back against his head.  
  
Shit.  
  
He is striding across the room before I can react, the guy in front of me is already tracing burning kisses along my collar bone.  
  
And before I can stop what is about to happen, the guy finds himself flung across the room, sliding along the dance floor.  
  
I stay where I am.  
  
Spike is stood close to me now, I can hear his ragged breath and see the flames of anger in his eyes.  
  
"What were you doing?" He is angry, I can hear it in his voice.  
  
What the fuck? I am the slayer, I could have handled the situation perfectly well, what the hell does he think he was doing getting involved?  
  
Weird how I feel so relieved that he did though.  
  
"What do you mean 'What are YOU doing' More like what the fuck are you doing Spike?" I feel my slayer anger kicking in.  
  
He looks down at his feet and falls silent.  
  
"You know I could have handled the situation perfectly well."  
  
"Just helping a friend in need." He mumbles, his gaze meeting mine and I can see the hurt in his eyes.  
  
But I am too angry to react.  
  
"I think you should come with us, sir." A large burly bouncer places his hand on Spike's shoulder and I know I can stop him if I want, I know I can tell the bouncer that Spike hasn't done anything wrong.  
  
But I don't  
  
And I watch as Spike shrugs the bouncer's large hands off him, glares at the guy who is still sprawled on the floor and walks out the place, without a second glance at me.  
  
Fucking hell, what have I done?!  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	14. leaving

Authors note: Yep, I no it's a little short and don't have a go at me im just stuck in a bluddy hole that I cant get out of at the moment!! Grrrrrrrrrrr... I hope its angsty enough for you and guys! KEEP REVIEWING!! The quicker you review the quicker the updates!! If no1 reviews a chap then I think they don't like and I find it harder to get inspiration to write the next one! SO REVIEW!! *sigh* right I'm done ranting and raving now.. ENJOY!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 14  
  
Pissing hell.  
  
Images of the slayer and her dog flash through my head as I walk, too drunk to drive my car back to the house.  
  
*His hands slide up her sides, his lips meet hers in a passionate fury.*  
  
I swallow hard and clench my jaw. That shouldn't be allowed. That shouldn't be allowed to happen EVER.  
  
My fist meets a lamppost as I pass it, my skin across my knuckles tearing with impact. Fucking Wanker.  
  
What shocks me more is that she allowed it.  
  
She waltzed in there, strutted her stuff and now looks like a whore with some random Joe sucking at her neck.  
  
I bet there at it now. Like fucking rabbits.  
  
******  
  
I let the guy rise from the floor and take two long strides towards him, my eyes meeting his and he smiles.  
  
"So your boyfriend jealous or what?" He mumbles.  
  
"He is not my boyfriend." At this the guy's smile widens.  
  
"So you wanna come outside or what?"  
  
I smile seductively and press my body up against his, pulling his head down to mine so I can whisper in his ear.  
  
"You touch me again and I swear to god I will rip your balls off and feed them to my neighbours cat." I pull back and plant a light kiss on his cheek, pausing a sec to peer into his eyes.  
  
And then I'm gone, disappearing out of the club and into the night.  
  
******  
  
I enter the house quietly so not to wake anyone up. Tiptoeing I enter the kitchen, flicking the kettle on as a pass and reaching for a mug out of the cupboard.  
  
A sudden rush of tingle cascades throughout my body and I am alert. Something is here, something is watching me.  
  
I turn slowly and see him, just his silhouette in the darkness of the kitchen. My heart skips a beat and I drop the teaspoon I'm holding on the floor.  
  
"Slayer" his voice is deep and I can almost see the fire in his deep blue eyes.  
  
"Spike." I answer similarly, and turn, continuing to make my coffee.  
  
I hear the chair scrap on the floor behind me as he stands slowly, pacing towards me.  
  
Hot breath lands on the back of my neck and I tense as shivers pass through my body. His hands come up and lean on the kitchen counter, trapping me between his body and the cupboards. I stare at his hands and notices fresh cuts sliced across his right knuckles.  
  
"I will be gone by morning." His lips graze lightly against my ear; I can feel the heat from his body on my back.  
  
"No!" I whisper, disturbed that he will leave.  
  
"You do not want me here Buffy, I saw it in your eyes before"  
  
WHAT THE FUCK?? WHEN? WHY? HUH?  
  
"You can't leave, you just can't!"  
  
****** Wait a bloody minute. Has this happened before??  
  
*~* "You can't die, you just can't." *~*  
  
I hear that angelic voice once more and shake my head in frustration. What the hell?  
  
*~* "See you can't die Spike, because. I think I'm falling in love with you." *~*  
  
My eyes fly open in amazement.  
  
"Spike? You ok?" I hear Buffy's voice but can't take in the words.  
  
"It was you" It was her in my head. It was her telling me she loved me.  
  
"What?" She stiffens in front of me.  
  
Or was it her? I mean it could have just been my imagination, telling me it was Buffy because that is what I want most. For her to admit her love for me.  
  
"Nothing." I choose to keep it quiet. But what if it was her? I can't just ask her can I. I mean can you imagine what it will be like? 'Spike are you crazy? How could I love a "Thing" like you?'  
  
"Well clearly there is something Spike. What was me?"  
  
Its too late I've said too much.  
  
"I'm going to bed." I turn and make my way towards the stairs, Buffy close at my heels.  
  
"You're not going anywhere!! And you certainly not leaving tomorrow!" Her hand reaches out and grasps my arm, sending powerful waves of pleasure up my arm from the contact.  
  
"I'm drunk and I'm tired. I need some sleep. We'll talk in the morning." I answer. God that sounded way to sensible for me but I have to sort my head out.  
  
Was it her voice that I heard?  
  
******  
  
And I watch him ascend the stair. Maybe there is hope left. Maybe he will stay.  
  
But why should he after the way I have behaved tonight? Who can blame him? I mean I haven't known him long and the look I gave him after he pulled the guy off me was enough to send any friend crazy.  
  
I looked like a whore. What kind of image must have I been portraying? I mean going out in that Come-Fuck me dress was enough to be frowned upon.  
  
All I can hope is that he stays in the morning.  
  
Because I don't know what I'll do without him.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	15. Temptations Part A

Authors note: *Tutt tutt* Where are my reviews people!! If I don't get at least 4 reviews for this chap I am going to quit it and you'll neva no what happens in the end. MWHAHAHAHAH!!! Just a warning. Don't say I didn't warn you. Anyway sorry its been so long, bin kinda busy with the skool and the work stuff. Hope you enjoy : )  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 15  
  
I stare into my coffee, watching the murky liquid swirl in endless circles, sending my already thumping head into a new wave of dizziness.  
  
Why am I always hangover lately?  
  
I rest my head on my hands, willing the thumping to stop and forcing the nausea down. Never again am I going to touch alcohol.  
  
I groan outwardly as my sister comes thumping down the stairs like a herd of elephants. All I want is quiet.  
  
"HELLO!" She yells into my ear as she passes, watching with delight as I wince in obvious pain.  
  
She continues the excruciating noise by making her breakfast as loud as possible just to annoy me. God I hate little sisters.  
  
There's a knock at the door as Xander enters, strolling through the corridor and into the kitchen.  
  
"Hey there Buffster, Whoa isn't someone just a little bit hung over this morning!" He notices the death glare I give him for talking so loudly.  
  
"Shh" I manage to mumble and resume my leaning on my hands.  
  
"BYE BUFF!" Dawn once again yells in my ear, pecking me on the cheek and swinging her school bag onto her back before following Xander back out the way he came in.  
  
At last silence -  
  
"BLOODY HELL!" God I spoke to soon.  
  
******  
  
I'm running like I've never run before. Trees flash past me as I duck and dive under low branches, one hitting the side of my face and leaving a long deep gash running across my cheek bone.  
  
I look over my shoulder but I can't see anything but darkness, yet still I run on for it is the darkness that hunts me.  
  
"Spike" its voice glides through the air like a knife, chilling me to the bones.  
  
I ignore it and run on. There's no bloody way it's catching me.  
  
There's a noise ahead of me and I slow my pace slightly, eager to see what it is.  
  
There she stands, robed in pure white her head cocked slightly to the left as she looks at me and smiles slightly.  
  
"Spike." Her voice is soft and sweet and instantly I am drawn to her.  
  
Her hands rest on my arms and instantly I feel safe, I know I do not need to run anymore.  
  
"Buffy." I smile back at her, stroking a piece of hair from her face as she reaches up and places a hand on my cheek.  
  
"I think I'm falling in love with you." She whispers it in my ear and I feel my heart skip a beat.  
  
"Love's a dangerous game though Spike." She places a kiss on my neck and I copy, trailing a line of soft kisses down her jaw line.  
  
I reach her neck and pause a moment, relishing in the feeling of her soft skin against my lips, her pulse beating so close to my lips.  
  
I don't feel it and it shocks me when I realise what's happened. I feel like a fledgling again, feeling for the first time as your fangs slip out and your face changes to the familiar visage of a vampire.  
  
And before I can stop myself I can taste her blood seeping down my throat and she's screaming for me to stop but I can't no matter how hard she fights against my body I grip harder and harder until I'm done.  
  
Until she is dead.  
  
I let the body fall to the ground and peer once more behind me, seeing the darkness settled around me.  
  
"I knew you would." Came the soft shadowy voice.  
  
"NO!" I yell in horror at what I have done and turn to run, but find nowhere to run to.  
  
I am stood at the edge of the cliff, watching the sea crash against the sharp rocks beneath.  
  
And so I jump.  
  
My body tears in two as I make impact and I scream into the night at the darkness that sits atop the cliff watching my death -  
  
I wake up and see the floor coming towards me, as I tumble out of bed, entangled in the quilt and landing hard on my chest.  
  
"BLOODY HELL!!" I can't help but scream as pain shoots from my wound and across my skin. I try to move from the quilt but find myself completely tangled in it like a caterpillar in a cocoon.  
  
But it is not long till my screams are heard and I hear worried footsteps coming up the stairs.  
  
******  
  
Laughter consumes my body as I fight desperately with the tears threatening to pour down my face at any moment!  
  
If only you could see Spike now!!  
  
The once big bad vampire is presently wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets and thrashing around like a killer whale stuck on land!  
  
I lean against the door frame and slide down it so I am crouched on the floor and take deep breaths trying to calm myself down.  
  
"Bloody help me woman! Don't just stand there" Says 'the whale', his face turning bright red as he lifts his head up from the ground which just fuels my laughter even more.  
  
He realises why I am laughing and within seconds ceases moving so I can stop my insane giggling. Calmly I look at him and the laughing subsides. His deep blue gaze stares back at me and thank god I am sat on the floor because if I was standing right now, I'm sure I would fall.  
  
I crawl towards him on my hands and knees and reach for the blanket and slowly unravel it from his body, freeing his arms from their position tightly pressed against his chest.  
  
And oh what a chest.  
  
He is lying on the floor clad in only his black boxers, his bare chest exposed to me. God what I'd give to lick that!  
  
I swallow hard as I stand and look away not noticing the foot that hooks around my ankle and pulls me to the ground, his hands working fast as he rolls me up in the warm blanket.  
  
"See what you think of it now, Slayer!" He stands back his hands on his hips as he stares down at me on the floor.  
  
Ah.  
  
I see what he means by hard to get out. I thrash slightly one way and roll the other but it is no use. I am stuck.  
  
Damn it.  
  
He quirks his eyebrow and smiles that familiar cheeky smile. "Ain't easy is it luv." He mocks and I stop moving and stare at the ceiling above me.  
  
I feel him lower to the ground as he moves over me, our bodies almost touching but not quiet. His face is opposite mine now and I find his eyes in my vision. He is so beautiful.  
  
There is a moment that passes between us and I know it is not just friendship that he looks down at me with. It can't be. There is something else deep in those bluey eyes that state something else. What it is still remains a mystery to me.  
  
For a moment I think he is going to kiss me, his head tilts slightly to the side and I swear his head is moving closer to mine. I take a sharp in take of breath as I realise what he is about to do, he IS about to kiss me.  
  
Unfortunately that gasp is enough to spoil the moment and bring him out of his stupor.  
  
Stupid Buffy. Grr.  
  
He instantly looks away from me and unravels the blankets from my body, helping me stand.  
  
I look at him once more before leaving the room in silence.  
  
God damn it, why do I have to breathe?  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	16. Temptations Part B

Authors note: Thanks guys for the reviews!! Keep em coming!! And ill keep saying it: If I don't get feedback about a chap then I wont continue coz if I don't know what the readers think then how am I supposed to continue in a good way?? Hehe, anyway I hope you enjoy..  
  
here goes..  
  
Chap 16  
  
What the hell am I doing?  
  
There I am, my body just inches away from hers, my eyes meet hers and for a moment I can't stop myself. I just want to taste those lips again, feel her skin against mine.  
  
And I almost do.  
  
I lean down and as I am about to shut my eyes, our lips about to meet, she gasps and I'm awoken from my fantasy world.  
  
And do you know what I see in that split instant; when I hear her gasp and my eyes fly open?  
  
Her. Clothed in white, her skin pale, her eyes open glassy and dull. Deep fang marks on her pure skin, dried blood leaving streaks down the side of her neck. My body physically flinches of the thought of her lying dead beneath me.  
  
I clench my jaw and within an instant of me blinking the image is gone and replaced with bright green eyes staring up at me in confusion. That's enough to send me leaping up onto my feet and looking away in embarrassment. Had I just tried to kiss Buffy?  
  
Wanker.  
  
Go on Spike; lead your heart willingly into another ordeal that will defiantly end in heartbreak.  
  
Stupid idiot.  
  
I help her stand and then she leaves the room without another word. Can't blame her really. I am a monster after all.  
  
******  
  
What just happened back there?  
  
I was sure that he was going to kiss me. In fact I was certain.  
  
Well that's another reason to add to his list for wanting to leave. Buffy is a freak - Check.  
  
What happens now? We were going to talk right? Well after the tension I just left in that room I don't think there will be any talking going on just pure get up and run moves.  
  
"I think we need to talk" Or not. His voice is quiet but stern and instantly I take a seat at the kitchen table, gesturing for him to join me.  
  
He sits across from me, his hands placed flat on the table in front of him. He starts to pick the black nail varnish from his nails as if eager for something to do, something to distract him.  
  
Damn I wish my nails were painted.  
  
"So you want to start" I ask after a moment of silence.  
  
"Buffy, do you really want me here?" DUH  
  
"Yes! Why wouldn't I? I wouldn't have invited you if I thought you shouldn't be here." And your so god damn sexy I don't know if I could live without you. *sigh*  
  
He falls silent. And for a moment I think he has ran out of things to say but then he lifts his head up to face me and his piecing gaze meets mine and I see total honesty buried amongst the deep blue.  
  
"Do you remember on the first night when you saw me and you asked me why I came back here and not go on to heaven?"  
  
I nod silently, my gaze never breaking contact with his.  
  
"Well before all this, before I died and I was sat in that white place, I saw you, I saw what you were like after my death."  
  
Seeing as I didn't remember this I just sat in silence waiting for him to continue.  
  
"You were crying like you'd never cried before, like you had lost something so dear to you that your own heart was breaking."  
  
His words were said so sincerely I nearly started crying there and then.  
  
"That what made me come back Buffy. Seeing your heart break after me - a monster - dying, was painful. I know you don't remember but I knew you didn't care for me like you do the others, and I know you never will but I - "  
  
He seems to struggle with his words.  
  
"I can't leave you in this world alone Buffy. I won't let you die at the hands of a demon. I won't stand around and let it happen all because I choose to be sat on my little cloud in the sky. You deserve a life Buffy, that is what I came back for."  
  
He smiles slightly and I feel a single solitary tear drizzle down my cheek, making a little river across my smooth skin.  
  
"Nobody has ever done that to me." I whisper, my throat constricting as I try to fight off the tears.  
  
"Angel came back," He answers out of gritted teeth.  
  
"But he didn't come back to save me, help me. He came back for a reason he doesn't even know yet."  
  
His hand reaches across the table and touches mine so lightly for the briefest moment I believe that he really hasn't touched it at all - that it was just in my mind.  
  
But no.  
  
I look down and sure enough our hands are intertwined as he squeezes mine gently, reassuringly. His other hand comes up against my cheek and wipes away a fresh tear.  
  
******  
  
Her hand is in mine and instant electricity shoots up my arm in a wave of pleasure. She doesn't understand what she does to me.  
  
I nearly told her.  
  
You know what I am on about.  
  
I nearly told her about all those times we had together in my crypt, in that abandoned house. I nearly told her that I loved her and that I can never stop loving her.  
  
But I held my tongue.  
  
This was enough for one day.  
  
Maybe another day I'll bare my soul to her.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	17. New starts

Authors note: Thanks guys you've all been great! You don't understand how much it means to me when you leave reviews!! Yay!! Hehe makes me happy. Anyways im starting to struggle again but I liked the idea of Angel and funnily enough was thinking of bringing him into it a bit later on in the story.So be prepared!! I hope you like this chap, personally I think it's a bit weak but I cant work out why. Hmmm  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 17  
  
And so we sat, for what seemed like eternity, him holding my hand warmly, his thumb rubbing soft circles on the top of my hand, while I just stare innocently into his deep blue eyes.  
  
"Hey guys." Dawn breezes in and instantly I feel the loss of his touch.  
  
"Hi Nibblet." He smiles and rises from his chair as if nothing has happened.  
  
"Hey Dawnie, how was school?" I smile, forcing the disappointment off my face.  
  
"You know, school" she shrugs, dropping her rucksack beside the kitchen table and walking over to get a drink.  
  
"What you been doing with yourself?" She turns to face me, a glass of water held in her hand.  
  
"Not a lot, this and that." I smile in response as I remember the "Whale" incident.  
  
"Buffy" A call comes from the hallway and instantly I'm on my feet and heading towards Spike.  
  
"Mail for you." He smiles and hands it to me; our fingers touching for a brief moment that I wish could last longer.  
  
I frown, looking at the plain white envelope with my name and address handwritten on the front.  
  
"It must have slipped under the rug or something" he continues, opening some junk mail for himself and wandering into the lounge.  
  
I open the crisp envelope and take out the clean white letter from inside and start to read.  
  
Dear Miss Elizabeth Summers,  
  
I am pleased to inform you that you have been successful in your job interview the other week and we would like to offer you a job as Nursery assistant at Summersdown Nursery. We would like you to start your job on the 26th of November 2003, at 8 o'clock in the morning where we will presently look over your hours and pay rate, as well as showing you the ropes.  
  
If there is a problem, please contact me as soon as possible.  
  
Yours Sincerely.  
  
Mrs Pinkle.  
  
I stared at the letter in shock.  
  
Today was the 25th of November. That means I start work tomorrow.  
  
Let me re-phrase that.  
  
I start WORK tomorrow.  
  
"What is it?" Dawn looks up concerned and I know why. She dreads it when the bills come as much as I do.  
  
"I got the job" I mutter slowly.  
  
"Really?" Dawn asks, tilting her head so she can read the letter that is held in my hand.  
  
"Yea, I start tomorrow." I look up and find blue eyes staring at me.  
  
He finishes munching his mouthful of cornflakes (why he is eating breakfast at this time of the afternoon completely baffles me) and points at his ear while muttering between chews "Vampire hearing."  
  
He swallows and beams at me.  
  
"Well done luv." His hand reaches out and touches my shoulder and instantly I want to be praised more.  
  
"What are you going to wear?" Dawn began to babble beside me as she began to tell me how horrible it will be to work with toddlers etc but I am not listening, I'm too busy watching the retreating behind of Spike.  
  
******  
  
It is the morning of the 26th of November and I am nervous. I am dressed casually but smart in black trousers and a blue v-neck top, my hair tied loosely back in a ponytail.  
  
I continue my daily routine, telling myself that I am not getting ready for a new job because it makes my stomach do little back flips every time I think of the word New and Job in the same sentence.  
  
Spike comes bustling in, dressed and up at 7 in the morning. Now why is he up so early?  
  
Half an hour passes and I am ready to leave the house, I call a goodbye to Dawn and bump into Spike at the front door.  
  
"Have you drunk your coffee?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Eaten your toast?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Been to the toilet, now you know pet that you just don't want to get caught short cause that could be just - "  
  
"SPIKE!" I turn and silence him with a glare.  
  
"Ok, Ok!" He holds up his hands in front of his chest in defence and steps away from the front door.  
  
"Quit asking me stupid questions!!" I say as I disappear up stairs, having forgotten to go to the ladies room. What would I do without him?  
  
******  
  
"Miss Summers" Mrs Pinkle holds her hand out to me and warmly I take it, adding a smile even though I am so nervous I think I am about to explode.  
  
"Follow me."  
  
I take a seat at her desk and she explains to me the rules and regulations etc and finally comes to the discussion of pay.  
  
"You will be paid an annual sum of $ 14,000 and you be allowed 4 weeks holiday pay."  
  
As soon as I hear the words $14000, I nearly collapse. How much did she say? Bloody hell as Spike would say.  
  
"Obviously you will be needed 5 days a week from 8 o'clock in the morning till 2 o'clock in the afternoon. The children will leave at approximately 1 o'clock. Now do you have any questions before I take you around?"  
  
"No Mrs Pinkle, that's great and Thanks for giving me this opportunity."  
  
"Oh please, call me Wendy." She smiles again and all ready I'm glad I took the job.  
  
******  
  
An hour passes and I have been shown around the building, shown various procedures and finally taken to see Karly, who I will be working with.  
  
"Children!" Her voice is loud but at the same time sweet and innocent as she calls out to the room, instantly toddlers becoming aware they were being called to.  
  
"This is Buffy, she's come to play with you all!" She smiles at me and instantly I turn towards the herd of toddlers that have started to crawl and amble slowly towards me.  
  
"Buffy." One little boy stood at my feet calls up to me in a sing song voice.  
  
"Hey." I smile, crouching down onto my knees so I can see him better.  
  
"I'm Adam" He smiles and points at his chest.  
  
"Hey there Adam." I smile back, instantly feeling a bond forming between the two of us.  
  
"Here." He holds out a smooshed up blue crayon, a true sign of a developing friendship.  
  
"For me?" I take the crayon gently from his hand.  
  
He nods slightly, putting his hands behind his back and tipping his head to the left slightly.  
  
"Thank you." I smile, ruffling his hair with my hand.  
  
"Can we play hide and seek now?" His hand reaches out and grasps mine.  
  
So cute.  
  
"Yes, I'll count to 10 and you can hide."  
  
And so the day continues with Adam and the gang. There are 10 children altogether all ranging from the age of 2 to 4 and you know when I said handling toddlers couldn't be hard? Think again!!  
  
I arrive home exhausted and ready to sleep. Spike greets me warmly with a cup of coffee and some biscuits.  
  
"I'll patrol tonight Slayer, you get some rest."  
  
I start to protest but he silences me with a stern glance and he is out of the door before I can say anything else.  
  
I sit down on the sofa and close my eyes for just a minute. But I have the strangest dream.  
  
I am lying curled up on the sofa, my head rested on the arm, my body scrunched up in a foetus position. I hear the sound of a door closing and footsteps echoing down the hallway. The lounge door opens and I feel a presence in the room but I won't open my eyes and look. I wait to be surprised.  
  
Warm hands touch my skin, leaving trails of fire as they travel up my arms. A faint kiss is pressed against my lips and I'm eager for more; I know it's him. Hands scoop me up like a feather off the sofa and carry me effortlessly to my room, whispering words of comfort and sleep soothing words. I snuggle closer to the warm chest and protest when it leaves me, when I feel the warm bed beneath me and nothing else.  
  
I wake from this dream breathless and uncertain.  
  
I look around the room and could have sworn I fell asleep on the sofa.  
  
Then why am I staring at Mr Gordo on the chair in my room, snuggled under my quilt?  
  
*~* Please Read and Review!!!! *~* 


	18. Puzzled

Authors note: Thanks for the reviews people!! Keep em coming! And as for Buffys salary in chap 17, im British so I aint sure how much she'd be paid in dollars! Sorry it was just a random number that I guessed. As for this chap, im sorry for the amount of crap I wrote at the bottom about buffy in wrk, its just I was trying to fill up the page!!!! Im stuck again. *SIGH* but never mind, ill dig my way out somehow!!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 18  
  
Slowly the door creaks as I open it, trying desperately not to be loud as I enter the house after a busy night on patrol. I walk into the lounge to see my beauty, Buffy, sleeping like a baby, all curled up on the sofa and for a moment I want to believe that she is mine.  
  
I smile as I watch her sleep, her chest inhales and exhales, her body singing with beauty. God she is an Angel.  
  
Thoughts run through my head as I fight the urge to reach out and touch her, to feel her soft skin against mine. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, willing the urges away.  
  
But no matter how hard I try, I can't stop my feet taking tentative steps towards the couch.  
  
I reach it and too my horror, find myself bending down onto my knees, my hand outstretched before me, gently brushing against her skin.  
  
Pleasure shoots through my body at her touch, she is like forbidden fruit: Once you take that first initial bite, you have to have more.  
  
She sleeps on, which just encourages me more as I think about the consequences that could happen if she wakes up at this moment.  
  
It gets me excited.  
  
And so my fingers once more brush lightly against her skin, marvelling in the way her body reacts even when she is asleep. Before I can stop myself I find myself bending closer to her, bringing my face closer to hers, so I can breathe in her delightful scent.  
  
I take a moment to admire her. Perfect skin unblemished and shining with beauty, her soft rosy lips moist and.  
  
Suddenly I am focusing on her lips again, the only thing that my attention seems drawn to.  
  
Will she notice? Should I risk it? What the hell, I was a badass vampire that was all about risk taking.  
  
And so I bend down and lightly brush my lips against hers and everything that I have been dreaming about these past years came flying back in one single moment causing my heart to beat faster and my breath to become hitched in my throat.  
  
Bloody hell.  
  
Panic rushes through my veins and I pull away as I hear a faint sigh echo from her lips.  
  
Fuck that was close.  
  
You fucking wanker! What the hell were you thinking? What if she had woken up?  
  
Standing slowly, I take a shaky step back, my eyes fixed to the sleeping form on the sofa. Shit.  
  
After taking a few breaths and calming myself down I decide the best option for the night. Remove Buffy from the sofa so I can sit and watch some telly.  
  
Bad move.  
  
REALLY BAD MOVE.  
  
Ok, ok, so maybe it was an excuse to feel her once again, against my skin but what can a bloke do? Just leave her freezing to death on the sofa?  
  
OK so I suppose I could have brought a blanket down.. But shhhh!  
  
And so I lift her effortlessly, her body feather light in my arms. She sighs and snuggles closer to my chest, I guess, seeking warmth. She mutters in her sleep and quickly I shush her, telling her to go back to sleep, half of me panicking if she woke up what would she do the other half wishing she would wake up and react nicely to the situation.  
  
I reach her bedroom all to soon and have to face the agony of letting her go, never knowing when I will be able to touch her like this again. As I lower her to the bed, she grasps at the front of my shirt, frowning and groans in protest as I let her go and step away from the bed, pulling her quilt up over her body.  
  
God that was close.  
  
****** Puzzled at my sudden change of room, I make my way down the stairs to be greeted by a hot cup of coffee and egg on toast made by Spike.  
  
I frown and sit at the kitchen table, as he sits opposite me, supping his tea and watching me munch.  
  
"Spike, how did I get to my bed last night?" I ask between mouthfuls of delicious breakfast.  
  
"I took you up" he states matter of factly, never taking his eyes off me.  
  
"Oh" I didn't expect such a straight answer.  
  
"Does that bother you?" A flash of concern crosses his face, which is quickly replaced by bemusement. "Wouldn't want the slayer to start worrying about someone carrying her to bed now would we and anyway, couldn't bloody watch TV if you were in the room." He smirks and takes another sip of tea.  
  
And cause he says it like that I realise how petty it really is. "No, doesn't bother me in the slightest."  
  
That tiny ebb of hope inside starts to dwindle less and less when I realise he didn't do it cause he cared; he did it so he could watch TV. I finish my breakfast in silence and start making my way to the nursery.  
  
******  
  
The friendship between Adam and myself has started to grow more and more these past few days. It has become ritual now to meet each other at the door, where he smiles that little smile of his and holds out his hand expectantly for me to hold and guide him indoors.  
  
Today we are making models out of playdoh and I shine with pride as Adam get's stuck in and helps himself to the different colours instead of waiting for either me, Karly or Helen to pass him a random colour in hope of him using it unlike all the other toddlers.  
  
Not only is this boy going to be a looker when he is older, he's gona be smart to.  
  
"Buuuffffyyy" Abigail smiles up at me, holding out her red stained hands, code for clean me. I scoop her up on my hip and head for the sink, turning on the cold tap and helping the little one with soap.  
  
Who said kids cant be cute?  
  
And with that Brian, launches himself at me, covered head to toe in not only playdoh but paint too.  
  
If it wasn't for my slayer strength, I'm sure he would have taken both me and Abigail down.  
  
"BRIAN!" I yell down at his crumpled form, firmly attached to my leg which is now completely stained in messy hand prints of paint and playdoh.  
  
"Buffy." He mumbles back, his face hidden from view.  
  
"What have I told you about diving on people? It's not nice."  
  
"I know." He sighs, turning around and waddling off towards the play area.  
  
"And where do you think your going mister?" I yell across to him and he stops dead in his path at the evil witch tone of my voice.  
  
He points at the slide and I shake my head in response.  
  
"Come here now" Instantly he is at my side, his blue eyes gazing up towards me.  
  
"Wash hands" I point to the sink, which instantly he obliges, sneaking looks at me out of the corner of his eye.  
  
Kids. Pain in the ass if you ask me.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	19. Seize the moment

Authors note: Ok ok so its bad, I no. But the least you lot could do was tell me it was so I could improve!! This is possibly my last chap and its got an evil cliff hanger so HAHA to you. I did warn you!!! So unless I get some decent reviews, you're not getting any more!!!!! Thanks to those religious reviewers out there I love you always lots and lots of huggles!!! For those that don't. you better soon or else!! Mwhahaha  
  
Authors note 2: God that sounds bitchy but its true! If no1 tells me what they think then I have no inspiration which either leads to shit chap or none at all.. Bloody vicious circle if u ask me!  
  
Chap 19  
  
Cool hands travel up my body, brushing against my skin, causing my breath to become hitched in my throat.  
  
A light moan escapes my mouth as I feel lips against mine ever so gently, brushing back and forth as his hands continue to wander my body.  
  
There's a shout in the distance and his touch seems to fade. I gasp at the loss of his touch and open my eyes to see the truth.  
  
He has gone.  
  
Or should I say, he wasn't there in the first place. I look down and find my own hands in the place where his had been, the bed sheets twisted awkwardly around my body. My breathing is hard and I look around the room in distress.  
  
Fuck, I'm having sex dreams of Spike.  
  
"BUUUFFFYYY" Comes another yell, its Dawn shouting from downstairs.  
  
I turn and look at the clock. 1PM.  
  
God I slept well.  
  
Tousled and grumpy I make my way downstairs.  
  
******  
  
Bloody hell.  
  
This strange sensation is running through my skin as I sit in the window of the lounge. Its almost like when I was a vampire, the feeling I'd get if I was close to stepping into daylight.  
  
I shake it off and continue reading my newspaper, my eyes briefly scanning the page for any "demon" linked incidents.  
  
I hear a creak on the stairs and glance up from my paper, instantly wishing I hadn't as my eyes meet with Buffy's, sending all kinds of pleasurable shock waves through my body.  
  
Her hair is still ruffled from sleep and she stands still dressed in pyjama bottoms and a loose grey t-shirt. I wet my lips subconsciously and desperately try to avoid her eyes for she may see the need that's buried there.  
  
I cough slightly and straighten the paper, concentrating on the task at hand rather than the beautiful body that has now stretched itself out on the settee just inches away from me.  
  
Please. Give me strength.  
  
And so she sits for what seems like forever, aimlessly flicking through channels on the telly, pausing every now and then to watch an afternoon programme.  
  
Funny thing is though, is that I'm frozen. Stuck to the spot, transfixed in her, watching her as she yawns and stretches, reaches out to the table to drink from a glass of water, even watching as she laughs to a comical duo on the screen.  
  
Darkness starts to seep in and my body subconsciously relaxes as it always does when night falls; a trait I have not lost from being a vampire.  
  
Now she chooses to stir, looking up at me and smiling. "Fancy a patrol?" There's a glint of mischief in her eyes and it's a look I can't resist.  
  
"Can't resist a good fight now can I luv?" I smile in response.  
  
******  
  
For the entire afternoon I chose to crash on the sofa. Its been a long time since I last pigged out and watched crap on tv, I think its within my right to continue it.  
  
Spike sits with me for the entire afternoon, not moving from his chair where he read the paper. Every now and then I'd steal a glance at his silent form, his taught muscles showing beneath his tight black shirt.  
  
Images fly back from the dream I had during the night.  
  
God he is hot.  
  
Before I know it, it has become dark outside and inside I feel disappointed that I now have to leave his presence for patrol. Or maybe not.  
  
"Fancy a patrol?" And knowing Spike, I know he can't turn down a chance at some violence.  
  
"Can't resist a good fight now can I luv" And he smiles that smile that instantly turns my knees weak.  
  
******  
  
As soon as I step outside, I know something is wrong.  
  
Like there is an imbalance in things, something isn't quite right but its so small that I can't put my finger on it.  
  
Without having to say a word, both Spike and I locate the group of vampires and know each other's intentions. That is what makes us good together; we know how the other fights.  
  
So I take the two on the left and leave the last 3 for Spike, knowing well he can cope.  
  
"Yeah you bloody run mate, ill have great fun catching you." He growls, as the fledgling tries to make a run for it.  
  
I smile as he reaches her in no time, grasping her by the back of her collar and lifting her off the ground, chucking her towards a near by tree.  
  
And so the fight continues until there is but one left.  
  
"What do you think Spike?" I fold my arms across my chest and stare at the cornered vamp.  
  
"Well he has good technique it's just. It's got to be said mate you do look a little gay in that hat."  
  
With that I burst into hysterical laughter, leaning on Spike as I hear his low chuckle.  
  
"BOO!" He takes a long stride towards the vamp and laughs with glee as it jumps a mile.  
  
"Ah this one is fun." I smile. "But all fun has to end one day right Spike?" I smile up at him and he nods, throwing a stake without taking his eyes off me, his aim perfect as the vamp explodes into dust.  
  
I laugh again, holding onto Spike's arms for support as I let the hysterics rack through my body. He holds the base of my arms with his hands and laughs along with me long and deep.  
  
And finally when we stop I look up into those deep blue eyes and hold his gaze, unable to tear myself away from his deep pools.  
  
His hands grip my arms slightly harder and I find myself stepping ever so closer to him, feeling the warmth of his body against mine, hearing him breathe ever so close to me.  
  
Suddenly I feel shy and try to avert his gaze, looking everywhere but at him. I don't last long.  
  
His arms move up my arms and around my waist, warming my cool body and causing a slight smile to appear on my features.  
  
God I want this more that anything in the world.  
  
And I'm back looking at his face, at his finely chiselled cheekbones, those beautiful eyes, and those luscious lips.  
  
If only I could just.  
  
******  
  
Here it is mate, its now or never.  
  
She is willingly in your arms, she hasn't run yet and she is holding your gaze and unless I'm terribly mistaken she has just taken a step towards you.  
  
Do it.  
  
Go on.  
  
What's the worse that could happen?  
  
Within moments my mind is made up and I'm making that painstakingly slow journey, my head tilting to one side as I bring my head closer to hers, going in for the kiss I've been dying for for such a long time. I am so close to her now, her breath skims against my cheek, I can hear her heart rate increasing.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK!!" My head shoots up and unconsciously I let her go, taking a step back from the slayer to meet.  
  
OH FUCK  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	20. revelations

Authors note: This chap is completely dedicated to Spikes solace.. Actually I take that back. This WHOLE fic is dedicated to Spikes solace. Without you, have of this wouldn't have been written for the inspiration you give me to continue is phenomenal!! Thank you loads!!!!! Also theres a bit of B/A chucked in this chap sorry folks!! But your going to have to deal with it for a bit, but I promise it wont stay like it!!!  
  
Anyways back to the fic..  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 20  
  
I freeze. Brown eyes meet mine and guilt racks my body. Shit. This is defiantly not of the good.  
  
Defiant and powerful as he always is, he holds his head up high and refuses to let my eyes avoid his.  
  
There's a deep rumble of a growl and I know its him, I know that sound like I know my own voice. I try to plead with him with my eyes, I know what his next move it will be, I can see it burning brightly in his eyes.  
  
Jealousy.  
  
Within moments he strides towards where Spike is stood, his hands curled into fists at his side.  
  
"What are you doing?" His voice is low and menacing, so glad I am not Spike right now.  
  
Spike doesn't answer just smirks back and swaggers closer to his enemy.  
  
"What did it look like I was doing peaches?" Let the pissing contest commence.  
  
As much as I want to see Angel and Spike battle it out together, I decide to step in.  
  
"Angel." My hand comes up and touches the top of his arm, feeling his flexed muscle beneath. Woah.  
  
He turns towards me, taking a deep unnecessary breath, shutting his eyes for just a moment composing himself.  
  
"Buffy." He sighs and draws out the word painstakingly slow.  
  
"Well I'm glad that's been established. Congratulations you both still know each others names!" Spike gives a woohoo from just behind Angel.  
  
"I'd shut it if I were you Spikey." Angel calls out without turning.  
  
"How are you?" I ask, trying to divert the subject.  
  
"Fine and yourself?" He asks through gritted teeth and I know he wants to know more about the situation he walked in on.  
  
"I'm surprisingly good." I smile up and watch as the anger in his chocolate eyes melt slightly.  
  
"Oh and Spike, how are you? Well I'm doing bloody great mate, thanks for asking." Spike starts to mutter from behind Angel and by watching the flash of pure hatred that crosses Angel's face I quickly intervene before one of them ends up in dust.  
  
"Spike, could you leave me with Angel for a while?" Instantly his beautiful blue eyes turn to cold steel as he looks back at me, obviously weary about what will happen if I am left alone with my past lover.  
  
"Whatever Slayer" He glares once more at me and waves an arm in defeat in my direction before stalking off into the night.  
  
******  
  
Bloody poof, just wading in at the wrong moment as per-fucking-usual. I was friggin' inches away from a kiss, bloody hell!!!  
  
I kick a tree that I pass in pure anger and instantly regret it as pain shoots through my toe and up my leg. Growling at the obvious pain, I continue my walk, wishing I hadn't given in to instinct. Why the fuck did I think I could kiss her anyway? As soon as our lips would have met I bet she would have punched my lights out.  
  
And how dare he, just come waltzing in all "Hi Buffy look at my poofy hair" Fucking wanker.  
  
Oh and I wander what they are doing now? Two star-crossed lovers that despite everything loved each other more than the world but could not be together.  
  
Bet their bloody shagging.  
  
******  
  
We've walked in silence for what seems like eternity, neither of us wishing to talk, taking comfort in each other's company  
  
"I knew you were back." I mutter, breaking the heavy silence that surrounds us.  
  
"I knew you would." He smiles that familiar smile.  
  
"I always know Angel, I always have. It's weird, like when you're just a little bit nearer to me I can feel you, inside." I smile back. I still love him, I know I do.  
  
"So how have things been?" He asks quietly, his head dipping slightly so he can see my face better.  
  
"Fine, demon here, demon there, new job, Dawns great, the gang are great, and everything seems ok." I know he really wanted to know about Spike, but I'm playing innocent. I really don't want to bring that topic up because as soon as I start speaking I know he'll figure out I'm lying.  
  
"Buffy, you know that's not what I meant. Is Spike your boyfriend?" I bloody wish.  
  
Fuck I sound like him.  
  
"Uh no." I answer way to quickly, which causes a frown to appear on his brow.  
  
"So what was that back there?" He signals over his shoulder and I can feel the anger rebuilding inside that calm exterior.  
  
"That was nothing."  
  
"Didn't seem like nothing to me." He scoffs with a slight laugh.  
  
"Well it was nothing." I'm getting defensive, letting my guard down.  
  
"But you like him don't you." He asks at a vulnerable moment.  
  
"Yes." It slips out before I can stop myself.  
  
Angel grows quiet and I let him walk beside me for a while, obvious his head is deeply in turmoil.  
  
"I mean Spike! Of all the people in the entire world you choose Spike!! When I said I wanted you to live a normal life the last thing I expected was for you to end up with my fucking Childe, who just so happens to be human now!"  
  
I stare back at him not quite sure what to say and allow him to continue, watching as the anger that was just building, slowly starts to fade once more.  
  
"Buffy, you sure you want this with Spike?" He stops walking and takes a seat at a nearby bench.  
  
"Yes Angel, more than anything I want this. He has changed since you last knew him. For Christ's sake he is human now, a good man - "  
  
"Something I'll never be." He brings is eyes up to me and I see the hurt deeply embedded inside.  
  
"But you are Angel, you are such a good man." I sit beside him, a hand placed on his knee.  
  
"Vampire Buffy, vampire. I can never be what you want me to be. I wish I could but I can't. At least you have Spike, I wanted you to have a normal life and I suppose that is what you have now. A normal life with a normal guy. Even though you left my side all those years ago, I still felt like you were mine, mine forever. I think this is now the last step. Now I really do have to let you go."  
  
"Oh Angel." Tears form in my eyes as I realise how true he is. It is the end.  
  
"I love you Buffy, I always will." His voice is quiet and subdued.  
  
"And I love you." I whisper it back and instantly feel myself enveloped in a hug.  
  
"I will always be here for you baby, remember that." He plants a kiss on my forehead and I feel more tears start to roll down my cheek.  
  
And before I can stop myself I find my lips on his, in a momentary last kiss, a kiss I know I will never feel again from the love of my life. It ends before it really starts and his forehead meets mine as we take a moment to stare into one another's eyes.  
  
"Goodbye Buffy."  
  
******  
  
Little fucker. I start running towards them as soon as I see the end of their kiss. I knew it. I knew this would happen.  
  
By the time I reach the grass clearing I'm growling and am powered by my anger, as adrenaline kicks in and I start running faster than I can ever imagine.  
  
Furiously I roar as I reach Angel, grabbing him from the bench and tossing him towards the grass.  
  
"SPIKE!" The slayer cries out at me and grabs hold of my coat.  
  
"Not now Buffy!" this is one fight with the sire that I am not going to lose.  
  
"No Spike, what have you done to your face?" I look back at her quizzically, seeing her expression of pure horror and shock.  
  
"What?" All anger slows as I reach my hand up to my face and feel the worst thing in the world.  
  
Bumps. Bumps of a vampire visage and fangs of a beast.  
  
SHIT.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	21. arguments

Authors note: Speech the first - Hello and merry xmas too all my readers out there!! Thanks for all your support etc etc, please continue to review blah blah blah!  
  
Speech the 2nd - This chap is crap. I know its crap. Sooooo bare with me coz this chap is sort of a filly chappy so I can get on to the good bits k? HANG ON IN THERE DUDES!!! I promise it will get beta.. And u never know.. there mite even be some spuffiness coming up.. Hehe  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 21  
  
Angel remained on the floor, anger blazed in his eyes but saw the urgency of my returning glare.  
  
What the hell is happening?  
  
I thought Spike was now human forever with just a few extra quirks. So why was he vamping out? That could mean only one thing.  
  
Was he changing back into the demon he used to be?  
  
I watched as his blazing yellow eyes slowly changed to the softer blue, his hands still running over his bumpy skin. I pulled out a mirror and handed it to him and I watched as the shock started to jolt through his body, his face slowly turning a ghastly pale.  
  
"What is it Spike?" I ask, walking around him to take a look at his reflection.  
  
And there he was. Reflected in the mirror yet he wasn't all there. He appeared translucent. I stared on in horror. It was true, he must be changing back.  
  
I run my hand down his arm, reaching for his wrist and look for his pulse. It is there, but very faint and weak.  
  
Shit. He's dying.  
  
Again.  
  
******  
  
What the pissing hell is happening?  
  
I try my hardest to listen to my heartbeat but all I can hear is a very faint flutter of a heart that is about to die, the need for blood starting to build in my system.  
  
I thought I was human forever?  
  
I turn to the side and see Angel, slowly standing and brushing down his long black coat.  
  
Bastard. This is all his fault.  
  
With a roar I leap towards him, to be met by an equally angry Angel, his brown eyes swiftly changing to golden. Punch for punch I meet him, all I can see is red as I lay into him, my fist meeting with his flesh, his skin tearing under the force of my punches, blood staining my pale hands.  
  
A fierce blow hits my head that sends me reeling to the ground, blood cascades from my nose and a cut on the side of my face. My body aches as I lay on my back, looking up at my looming sire. I allow my head to hit the floor and sigh.  
  
As fast as lightening I swing a leg out, catching my sire unawares and sending him flying to the ground. I leap up onto my feet, a low growl sounding from my chest.  
  
He stands slowly, smiling and wiping blood from his mouth he looks up at me and I swear I see Angelus staring right back at me.  
  
"Oh Spikey boy, how you wish to beat your sire." His voice is like honey, rich but bitter with hate.  
  
I smirk back at him; taking a few steps closer so that I am stood so close his familiar sire smell, intoxicates my senses.  
  
I lift my fist about to bring it down once again on his face but find I can move it.  
  
I turn to the side as I feel Buffy's vice like grip grasp my wrist and twist it behind my back.  
  
Angel lets out a low laugh.  
  
"Don't know what you're laughing for." Buffy reaches out and kicks him to the ground.  
  
"If you both don't stop fighting I'm going to make two little dust piles out of you." She grits her teeth. "Great display of male testosterone, but what the hell do you expect to solve?"  
  
Her grip remains firm, even as I watch Angel visibly relax and slowly I stand out of my fight stance and cross my arms in front of my chest.  
  
"Now Spike, when you went to heaven or whatever, did they talk about this being temporary?" Her voice is demanding and headstrong.  
  
"No." I answer simply. "Bloody Wankers." I add under my breath.  
  
"So there must be a loop hole right?" She starts to pace and both peaches and I watch with the same puppy dog look on our faces.  
  
"I had a loop hole" Angel pipes up, why is he here?  
  
"So we need to visit white guy." I sigh defeated. Never going to find that bastard.  
  
"Well what are we waiting for." Buffy smiles at me and suddenly everything feels so much better. I can't help but smile back.  
  
And so the three of us start to walk on in silence, Buffy walking between the two of us, in case of the inevitable happening.  
  
******  
  
Stupid vampires. One day I'm going to lock them in a room and leave them fight it out.  
  
We all walk on in silence; me stood between the two of them, ready to separate them if one of them decides to decapitate the other.  
  
I look up at Angel and catch that familiar brooding look that he has constantly fixed on his face whenever I see him. What the hell is he doing here?  
  
"Angel, what are you doing here?" I ask simply, looking up at those deep brown eyes and watching as instantly he puts a guard up.  
  
"Followed a demon here." I can see that he is lying, I've known him too long not to ignore the signs.  
  
"Oh right, so where is this demon?" I ask, smiling slightly. He knows I know he is lying.  
  
"I-I uh, killed him before I um bumped into you." He smiles back.  
  
"Then why are you still here peaches?" Spike smirks sarcastically, hoping he will take the hint.  
  
"Just in case some evil vampire such as yourself decides to jump Buffy." He smirks back, and all my muscles tense as I feel Spike grow angrier beside me.  
  
"I wouldn't do that." He answers quietly.  
  
"Who knows Spikey, you're becoming a vampire again, what's to stop you wanting the slayers blood." Angel has grown dark now, he looks pissed off.  
  
"Angel, I can handle him if he did attack." I place a hand on Angel's chest, trying to be reassuring.  
  
"But what if you can't. I won't let this bastard kill you." Angel points venomously at Spike.  
  
Spike starts to take a few steps towards Angel and me. "I would NEVER touch her Angel, NEVER." He growls now and I can feel another fight.  
  
"Shut it the both of you. Angel stays ok Spike?" His eyes grow cold and hard, like he is shutting a door in my face that I can never see through again.  
  
*~* please read and review!!!! *~* 


	22. Finally

Authors note:: Sorry this has taken so long!!! Super writers block and I kinda forgot where I was goin with this!! Oopsie!! I think ive got it back on track but if anyone has any hints or suggestions throw em my way and ill c what I can do!! Don't forget. REVIEW IT and I'll UPDATE IT!!!! Thank you please!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 22  
  
Go on.  
  
Twist the knife further.  
  
I dare you.  
  
And I thought I was winning her round! I thought that finally good ol' Spikey was building some sort of lasting friendship with the slayer, but OH NO! As soon as the poof shows up, she goes all googly eyed and straightaway its 'Oh Angel, I love you and your deep brooding visage.'  
  
Bloody wanker.  
  
So I fall a few steps behind, willing the craving for human blood to die down and wishing like fuck that I could beat the crap out of Peaches. But that will never happen as long as his bloody body guard slayer is around.  
  
"Spike? You okay back there?"  
  
Bloody marvellous.  
  
"Part from the fact I'm turning vampire again I'm bloody brilliant." I sigh defeated.  
  
"Yeah, slight technical hitch."  
  
What the fuck is that?  
  
I leap to my left as a bright light appears beside me.  
  
"Oh god not you again." I roll my eyes and walk slightly faster.  
  
"Um yes, it's me. Hi." The messenger smiles and raises his hand to wave in my direction.  
  
"Come on then, spit out the bad news." I sigh heavily.  
  
"Spike?" Buffy by now has been dragged out of the place with the meadows and flowers that her and Angel have just been running through with the corny music playing in the background and has been snapped back to reality of me and a random shiny guy.  
  
"Powers that be." I nod back at her and instantly she is listening to the conversation.  
  
"Well it turns out, that well, um, slight hitch really." The messenger starts to ramble which just aggravates me more.  
  
"What kind of hitch?"  
  
"Well, basically, the powers that be have had to turn you back into a vampire."  
  
Well duh.  
  
"Really?" I act, flabbergasted at the situation. "Now I would never have guessed that"  
  
"Well the thing is, when they turned you human, it never had really been done before so they kind of ignored the fine print."  
  
"And that would be?" Angel steps in and my anger is rekindled.  
  
"The fact that you'd implode if we left you human any longer and as your destiny has not been fulfilled, it would hardly be appropriate if you just went poof on us."  
  
"He went poof on you before? Can't you just un-poof him again?" Buffy steps in.  
  
"Doesn't really solve the problem though does it? He'll just keep poofing and the Powers That Be, need to use their talents else where once in a while."  
  
"Excuse me but Destiny?" Isn't anyone else interested in that?  
  
"Again, a matter that I can't disclose. Just that you're needed here, in this dimension."  
  
"So they make me a demon again, and ill continue to munch through the population of Sunnydale all so the world can be saved?"  
  
"Hey! There will be no munching" I receive a slight punch off Buffy  
  
"Ow!" I glare back in return.  
  
The messenger smiles. "Something tells me you won't be eating humans anymore."  
  
"What? They gave me a fucking soul now?" Oh god no. Not again.  
  
"Soul used to be a precious thing. Now they're just giving it to any random Joe that walks by." Angel mutters from the corner and I growl low in my chest.  
  
"No you have no soul. Your just regular vampire."  
  
And that's good because -  
  
"Because, it proves to us that you can do it" The messenger pats me on the shoulder.  
  
"How'd you - " I begin.  
  
"What you think I'm just a regular guy? I can do other stuff you know." The messenger rolls his eyes. "Anyways, better be returning." And with that he disappears into the night.  
  
******  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yes!!"  
  
"Now, you know where I am if you need me."  
  
"ANGEL! For Christ's sake, im a slayer, there's a reason why I've lived this long." I roll my eyes in response.  
  
"Ok, bye Buffy." He smiles warmly and envelops me in a hug. I take a deep breath and smell his familiar smell, knowing I won't smell it for a long time.  
  
"Bye Angel." I whisper in his ear, as I am about to pull away.  
  
His hands grasp my upper arms, preventing me from pulling back too far, his head tilting slightly as I feel his breath upon my neck.  
  
"Do it soon." He whispers very quietly into my ear.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Spike. Do it soon." And with that he is gone, disappearing into the night, leaving me stood astonished on the front doorstep.  
  
"So the poof has gone then?"  
  
I spin on my heel and sure enough there he is, leaning against the doorframe of the sitting room, his arms crossed in front of his chest, revealing tight arm muscles.  
  
"Yep." I sigh and smile at Spike. "How you doing?"  
  
"OK considering I am now a vampire once more." His face darkens and he looks away from me.  
  
"Don't be ashamed Spike, I trust you. I know you won't kill anyone."  
  
"But do you Buffy? I mean what if I can't help myself? What if I just take one?"  
  
"Well then I'll kill you without a second thought." I answer truthfully. Deep down I start to pray that he does not decide to snack.  
  
"But I don't feel the guilt. - " I put my hand up to stop the blonde vampire.  
  
"I believe in you." He looks up at me and our eyes meet.  
  
Shit have I said too much? Was that out of line? Did that show more than friendship?  
  
"What?" He asks, even though I know he heard the first time.  
  
I just smile in response, walking towards the living room.  
  
His hand shoots out and grasps me round the waist and instantly I feel heat shoot through my skin as he presses my body into his.  
  
I gasp at the feel of his tense muscles against my back.  
  
"Thanks Slayer." His voice is deep and husky and I have to use all my self- control from reaching round and kissing him.  
  
I am about to pull away when I feel his arm tense slightly and I frown in confusion. He wants this? Well duh Buffy, he wouldn't have made this move unless he wanted you near him.  
  
Hot breath lands on the back of my neck, making the tiny hairs that lie there stand up to attention. Shit. Does he know what the fuck he is doing to me?  
  
******  
  
Having her skin so close to mine is too hard to bear. I can smell her familiar smell of vanilla wafting just under my nose and I have to fight everything inside not to pounce on her there and then.  
  
She makes a move to step away from me but I couldn't help instinct and couldn't stop myself as my arm tensed slightly against her mid drift. I roll my eyes as I prepare for either 1) her storming off, or 2) a slap in the face.  
  
I am shocked when she doesn't move.  
  
My whole body freezes as the angel on my right shoulder starts up a fight with the devil on my left.  
  
I tighten my grip slowly and bring my head down towards hers, still waiting for her to pull away.  
  
My lips brush gently across her cheek and I feel her breath hitch almost as she had been expecting it. She is so fucking beautiful.  
  
My left arm comes up slightly and traces a fine line up her left arm, feeling the skin quiver beneath my cooling touch.  
  
Unbelievable.  
  
I move my head away almost offering her the chance to run in the other direction before its too late but she doesn't, instead she turns to face me, a faint glimmer of a smile on her face.  
  
Her small frame leans into me and I still can't believe what I am about to do. I smile down at her and move my head inch by painful inch towards hers my blue gaze never leaving her beautiful hazel eyes.  
  
Our lips meet like waves crashing on a sandy beach and instantly I feel my knees go weak, her tender kisses sending me crazy. I trace the edge of her bottom lip with my tongue and feel her gasp at the sensation.  
  
Shit.  
  
******  
  
Cool lips meet the side of my cheek and a rush of heat rushes through my body so fast it feels like I can't breathe.  
  
Why is he hesitating? If I didn't want this then I would have gone by now.  
  
I turn in his grasp to face him and wait for the next move. If this wasn't making a move, then I don't know what is!  
  
He smiles and somehow I'm reassured, like everything is going to be ok despite our differences.  
  
His lips meet mine and I melt, my whole body turning to jelly and once his tongue comes out to play against my bottom lip the whole world could have been engulfed by hell and I wouldn't have given a damn.  
  
Finally this is happening. Finally I can feel his lips against mine.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	23. kisses

Authors note:: IM STUCK!! HELP!! Ack I hate writers block... When I first started out with this fic I had the ending before I'd even written the first line but for some reason I have lost track of the ending to this fic and somehow branched out places I didn't mean to go... DAMNIT!!! And now im well and truly stuck in a hole that I can't get out of!! Maybe I should just pack it in... *sigh* Review and tell me what ya all think...  
  
Here goes...  
  
Chap 23  
  
Cold lips touch mine fleetingly and I want to pass out. I want this moment to last forever, a continous moment of kissing this man.  
  
His hand finds the small of my back and soothingly rubs my skin with his cool touch. Wow.  
  
My arms are around his neck, my fingers buried in his bleached hair, feeling the softness of his curls. He breaks the kiss and I almost moan from the loss but when I open my eyes and find deep sky blue eyes staring back at me I can't help but smile in return.  
  
He takes a deep un-needed breath. "Wow." He mutters and smiles, tightening his embrace.  
  
"You could say that." I let out a slight giggle.  
  
Crash.  
  
Shit.  
  
The front door flies open and Dawn comes tumbling in, instantly the contact is broken and I take two steps back from Spike, looking down at the floor before glaring at my sister.  
  
"Hello!" She beams, throwing her jacket on the stairs and heading towards me.  
  
"Hi." I smile fakely, wishing desperately that I had been born an only child.  
  
"How's it going?" She smiles, none the wiser to the activities taking place just seconds ago.  
  
"Fine." I turn to face Spike but find he's disappeared.  
  
Damn you Dawn.  
  
******  
  
Bloody Bit.  
  
Always has to interrupt a perfect moment!  
  
I find myself in the basement turned training room, pacing the cracked concrete flooring. Was this a good idea? I mean getting involved with the slayer again especially now I'm a vampire again. What if I lose it? What if I accidentally -  
  
No. That would never happen. I'd rather stake myself than let THAT happen.  
  
She says she trust me, believes in me. But does she? Can she really trust a vampire like me?? I vicious blood sucker that wouldn't think twice about killing a young child?  
  
What if she doesn't want me like that? What if she is out to use me again like last time? I know she doesn't remember what happened, but what if she's doing it without realising? Like Fate?  
  
No.  
  
There was more in those kisses than just passion. There was something more meaningful that I can't quite put my fang on.  
  
There are footsteps on the stair and I look up to find Buffy staring back at me as she slowly descends the stair case.  
  
"Buffy I –" Her gaze is so intense, I can't find the words to finish the sentence.  
  
"I'm going out, do you need anything?" She's trying to read me, I can see her eyes flicking over mine.  
  
"No, thanks." I turn my back and walk towards a bench set in the corner.  
  
She approaches the bench so she is just inches away from me and I restrain every muscle in my body from reaching out and touching her.  
  
"Well, I'll be going then."  
  
"Yeah." I mutter back.  
  
"So bye."  
  
"Bye."  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"MM?"  
  
She falls silent and I look up at her, her eyes still trained on me. It's no use, I can't hold back any longer.  
  
I stand slowly, stepping forward so she is almost pressed against my chest.  
  
"Bye Buffy." My head tilts down towards her and I feel her heart rate increase.  
  
Her hands touch my cool chest and instant fire races through my skin so fast I gasp at the sensation. She seems hesitant but I feel her head come closer to mine and her lips meet my cheek, warm and tender. I move my head towards hers and our lips brush in a glancing kiss.  
  
Fuck, she's beautiful.  
  
"BUFFY!" An annoying yell comes from upstairs. Buffy pauses mid kiss.  
  
"I think I should kill her right now." She whispers in my ear, her warm breath gliding across my skin.  
  
"I'll give you a hand if you want?"  
  
"Sounds good."  
  
"Do you know what else sounds good?" I smile in response.  
  
"What?"  
  
"This..." I dip my head and trace her bottom lip with my tongue slowly, feeling her press closer to me for more contact.  
  
"BUUUFFFYY!!" The shout comes again, and I feel her tense in my arms.  
  
I break the contact and smile inwardly as she slowly opens her eyes, her lips swollen from out kisses.  
  
She takes a few steps away from me and then she's gone, leaving only her smell to comfort me while daylight shines outside and I am confined to this stone prison.  
  
******  
  
"What took you so long?" My sister moans but I can't help but smile after the kiss I just received off Spike. I think I am going to explode.  
  
"And why do you have an insane smile on your face? You got wind or something?" Dawn folds her arms across her chest and leans against the door frame.  
  
"Shut up." I roll my eyes and walk outside into the beautiful sunshine.  
  
"Spike should have come with us, it's a lovely day." She mutters beside me.  
  
"Mm." I mumble, knowing perfectly well that Spike would not be able to step outside into the light any longer. Once again he is confined to the dark, no longer able to witness the beauty of light.  
  
Some of us don't realise what we have. What luck we have to be able to just walk outside of our houses and be unharmed by the light that shines upon us.  
  
None of us ever realise what we truly have until we have lost it. Why are the powers so harsh? To give him the opportunity to stand in this light, something that appeared to be a dream come true and then to take it away with such force, leaving him once again stranded in the dark.  
  
I can't even bear to imagine what he is thinking right now.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


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